Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   no, NO, you don't need to apply for a Target credit card in the 10 items or less lane.

   The English language is the easiest to learn because even if you get it wrong, so do most of the natives

   why did the chicken cross the road? To show POSSUM's that it can be done!!

   why did the chicken cross the road? "to get to your house"..knock knock..who is there? "the chicken"

   You know you love someone when you talk to them on the phone while you're on the toilet

   Nothing like a mug full of caffeine and self-hatred topped with an overwhelming amount of regret to start your day.

   Soooo.... Justin Beiber is pregnant. That's gotta be hard for a 13 year old to go through..

   i hear bieber is expecting a kid...i wonder when justin's due date is

   If sex between 3 people is called 3some, between two people is called twosome. why is Handsome still a compliment?

   I <3 it when I come home & my dog does the happy dance, looks more like the lambada but wutever....

   Love starts with "You are different" & ends with "you are all the same"

   No one ever gets tired of loving. They just get tired of waiting, assuming, hearing lies, saying sorry & hurting.

   Don't let loneliness drive you back into the arms of someone you know doesn't give a damn about you.

   I hate when people ruin my status by commenting with their lack of humor.

   Boinga boinga boinga boinga (woman jogger) boinga boinga boinga.....

   I have restless leg syndrome and may not be able to stop myself from kicking your ass!

   I'm proud to come from a family of work-a-holics.....Everytime someone mentions work, we all get drunk! ツ

   You have 500 friends? No you don't. Ask one of them to randomly drive you to the airport.

   What's this I hear about some 19 year old girl getting Justin Bieber pregnant? Is it possible that 2 women can pregnate a child?

   Every tombstone has three things is common: the day you're born, a dash, and the day you die. And people wrongly put a lot of emphasis on the dates, but it's not the dates that matter most- it's the dash in between. It is that dash that is the measure of