Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I'm kind of scared about what the future is going to bring...Pretty soon were all going to have microchips inplanted in our heads...We'll be able to take and upload pictures just by a blink of an eye.

   They should put bumpers on the roads when women are driving like they do for kids at bowling alleys.

   regretting his decision to celebrate hump day by getting a camel tattooed on his big toe!

   My mom still hasn't gotten her Mother's Day card, the post office wasn't lying when they sold me the "forever" stamp.

   What sound does a space turkey make??? Hubble Hubble Hubble.

   feels sorry for the turkey....after it gets killed, the neck gets shoved up the @$$...what a way to go

   this morning Bieber was on the Today show doing a concert in the rain...does that kid ever wear his rain coat?...sure would have prevented that pregnancy

   Girls can't teabag... it's called teacupping.

   If I ome to your house, I'd appreciate it if you tell me which furniture you've had sex on before I sit down. Thanks. y

   P.E.T.A. says that turkeys are now so fat, they can't stand up. They're prone to heart attacks, and they have trouble mating.Oh wait, I'm sorry. That's what the turkeys say about Americans.

   thankful for all the god given breasts that he put on so many beautiful woman.

   Leaf blowing while wearing leaf-pattern camouflage. Makes them think I'm one of them, so they won't get suspicious!

   Canadians are Eh' Holes

   I was voted most likely to travel back in time by the class of 2047

   Helpless romantic seeks filthy wh@re.

   I bet The Kardashians' have a ton of leftover white meat on Thanksgiving.

   I don't have an attitude problem, but I do have a solution. Go f**k yourself.

   just saw about 20 turkeys meandering on the side of the road. Pretty ballsy to be so flagrantly open the day before Thanksgiving in a recession.

   Anything unrelated to elephants is irrelephant.

   Can you imagine Augustus-flavored chocolate-coated Gloop? Ew. No one would buy it