Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 3947 of 6446

When I have to make a phone call and it goes to voicemail...I feel like I just won the lottery.

The hotel is mad at me for getting a haircut in the jacuzzi. Sorry for trying to look nice at a Holiday Inn.

Just sang every word of Adele's "Someone Like You" and all this girl said was "Do you understand why I pulled you over?" Rude.

This whole "Cup half empty, Cup half full" argument should state what is IN the cup before people start judging!!

being chased out by Barzini and the rest of the Five Families...
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02-17-2012 15:56
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fellas..... If your favorite Whitney Houston song is "im every woman" then there is something wrong....smh
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02-17-2012 15:38
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guess I should've left.."Guest appearance on Cops" off my resume
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02-17-2012 14:16
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looking for a kennel for the kids, our vacation is coming up
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02-17-2012 14:12
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If I had known then what I know now I probably would have had another drink.
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02-17-2012 14:04
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The story of “how I met your father” is shorter than “how I met your mother.

Johnny Bravo would be so perfect for Jersey shore.
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02-17-2012 14:00
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If I had an Australian Accent I would never shut up
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02-17-2012 13:54 by Nobody
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Welcome to Chris Brown FM, playing hit after hit.
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02-17-2012 13:30
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teasing mall cops by running out of every store at top speed. starting to enjoy the frisking...
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02-17-2012 13:25
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Women are an enigma, wrapped in a conundrum, tied to a riddle that baffles the mind of men. - William Shakespear
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02-17-2012 13:15
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To be loved is to be fortunate, but to be hated is to achieve distinction. Thanks haters.

i was thinkin about adoption to fill the void in my life, if only I could find someone willing to adopt me..
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02-17-2012 13:12
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I found the vodka… it was hiding in the orange juice!
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02-17-2012 12:42 by Czovczov
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Okay, let's get this straight. There's no way EVERYONE has the best boyfriend in the world.
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02-17-2012 11:56
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Ashes to Ashes, Dust to Dust, Life is short, so PARTY we must
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02-17-2012 11:16
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