Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   To all those people with big trucks and SUV'S who laughed at me because I bought a hybrid......i see you getting gas all the time

   I go to the gym to play my favorite game called "I spy a sexy cameltoe" its so fu#king sexy.

   Looking For a Truly Romantic & Meaningful Overnight Relationship, please pm my inbox for details...... Midgets, Casey Anthony and Octomom - Don't Bother applying!

   Going out on a date with Octomom tonight… Just in case…wearing socks under 3 pairs of condoms…

   has anyone seen Steven Tyler lately?...that dude really does look like a lady

   I didn't sell my soul to the devil….we worked out a rent-to-own deal.

   I'm not crazy, my reality is just prettier than yours

   I could do so much more if I only had minions.

   Where the hell is easy street?

   I feel a sin coming on!

   gas gas gas gas gas gas gas gas gas gas gas STOP and now drop these motha$&@?!/ prices down!

   But in other news.... Etchy Sketches Stocks Went up ever since Romney's spokesman said He'll have to go back to the drawing board.

   Well Skittles Stock just took a plunge, again!!

   You are by far my smartest and best looking friend on Facebook.

   The customer asked the clerk, "Do you have anything that makes me look thinner?" "How about a week in Somalia?"

   Micro chips in dogs and cats ..why aren't Humans doing this..?

   Dear Lord, give me the strength to change the things I can, the grace to accept the things I cannot, and a great big bag of money.

   The best curves on a girl is her smile.....Naw just kidding look at dat ass!

   Never look someone straight in the eyes while eating a banana.

   Here's my cup of care \_/ Oh look. It's empty.