Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Ecuador gave Julian Assange asylum because they're afraid he'll tell everyone which countries they think are cute.
←Rate | 08-16-2012 10:54 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Guys; You know you need to lose weight when your girlfriend is always wanting to suck on your titties.
←Rate | 08-16-2012 10:49 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My empty fridge just whispered, "When's Payday?"
←Rate | 08-16-2012 10:42 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I love cooking for my man because it makes me feel both independent and oppressed at the same time.
←Rate | 08-16-2012 10:36 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Kristen Stewart has the same face expression I have everytime I check in a hotel with no wifi
←Rate | 08-16-2012 10:33 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Alcohol only hurts me because it loves me.
←Rate | 08-16-2012 10:27 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Nobody has enough cargo to need those pants.
←Rate | 08-16-2012 10:25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The guy who plotted for 18 years to kill his wife, obviously could have done with a little help from his wife to plan that sh!t.
←Rate | 08-16-2012 10:24 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Babe, you're my bucket list.
←Rate | 08-16-2012 10:20 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Wouldn't be surprised if Whoopi Goldberg's ass hairs are also dreadlocked.
←Rate | 08-16-2012 10:15 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It'd be so much easier if you ladies wore @nal beads as necklaces, that way we would know up front you like ass play.
←Rate | 08-16-2012 10:11 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I can tell how much weight I need to lose by whether I get hit on by a white, Mexican or bl@ck guy.
←Rate | 08-16-2012 10:04 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You complement someone on her sexy adams apple and suddenly you are deleted and blocked.
←Rate | 08-16-2012 10:03 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Did you guys know that the little boy from Panic Room was Kristen Stewart? Mind? BLOWN.
←Rate | 08-16-2012 09:53 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ladies: if a man said he'll fix it, he will. There is no need to remind him every 6 months about it
←Rate | 08-16-2012 06:58 by Huck Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hoping it's gonna be the kind of day when I take a book out a bookcase and it's a lever that revolves into a secret room.
←Rate | 08-16-2012 06:57 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon the economy is so bad, that hookers are now giving away toasters.
←Rate | 08-16-2012 06:43 by Kman Comments (0)  


   messageicon he gets his morals from the men's room wall.
←Rate | 08-16-2012 06:42 by Kman Comments (0)  


   messageicon B!tch please, life aint that short to have sex on the very first date.
←Rate | 08-16-2012 04:42 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Curiosity killed the cat, but Satisfaction brought her back!
←Rate | 08-16-2012 04:41 Comments (0)  




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