Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 3309 of 6446

Ecuador gave Julian Assange asylum because they're afraid he'll tell everyone which countries they think are cute.
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08-16-2012 10:54
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Guys; You know you need to lose weight when your girlfriend is always wanting to suck on your titties.
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08-16-2012 10:49
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My empty fridge just whispered, "When's Payday?"
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08-16-2012 10:42
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I love cooking for my man because it makes me feel both independent and oppressed at the same time.
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08-16-2012 10:36
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Kristen Stewart has the same face expression I have everytime I check in a hotel with no wifi
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08-16-2012 10:33
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Alcohol only hurts me because it loves me.
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08-16-2012 10:27
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Nobody has enough cargo to need those pants.
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08-16-2012 10:25
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The guy who plotted for 18 years to kill his wife, obviously could have done with a little help from his wife to plan that sh!t.
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08-16-2012 10:24
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Babe, you're my bucket list.
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08-16-2012 10:20
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Wouldn't be surprised if Whoopi Goldberg's ass hairs are also dreadlocked.
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08-16-2012 10:15
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It'd be so much easier if you ladies wore @nal beads as necklaces, that way we would know up front you like ass play.
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08-16-2012 10:11
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I can tell how much weight I need to lose by whether I get hit on by a white, Mexican or bl@ck guy.
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08-16-2012 10:04
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You complement someone on her sexy adams apple and suddenly you are deleted and blocked.
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08-16-2012 10:03
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Did you guys know that the little boy from Panic Room was Kristen Stewart? Mind? BLOWN.
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08-16-2012 09:53
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Ladies: if a man said he'll fix it, he will. There is no need to remind him every 6 months about it
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08-16-2012 06:58 by Huck
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Hoping it's gonna be the kind of day when I take a book out a bookcase and it's a lever that revolves into a secret room.
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08-16-2012 06:57 by flinnie
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the economy is so bad, that hookers are now giving away toasters.
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08-16-2012 06:43 by Kman
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he gets his morals from the men's room wall.
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08-16-2012 06:42 by Kman
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B!tch please, life aint that short to have sex on the very first date.
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08-16-2012 04:42
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Curiosity killed the cat, but Satisfaction brought her back!
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08-16-2012 04:41
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