Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

   After mating, a female Praying Mantis kills & eats the male. Guess she knows it's easier to claim life insurance rather than child support.

   I still think Catholics should modernize and elect new Popes with a reality TV show.

   Job application is a trick by some id! ots that they don't even bother to read your resume.

   There are teenagers having unprotected sex, but have cases on their cell phones. Just let that sink in for a moment...

   I think my "check engine" light has finally burned out. So that's good.

   I swear! If I hear the word 'Pope' again my head will pope...

   Ok now confess! Who else just lost big in the office Pope naming pool?!?!?!😢🙈😂

   They should throw a soccer ball to the pope to juggle so we can be sure be's Argentine

   Only took 2 days to elect a Pope. I think its safe to assume none of the Cardinals were from Florida.

   a new Pope is all well and good, but what the Cardinals really need is an offensive line.

   Now, if we could only get some white smoke to come out of the White House's chimney.

   Time for UK to return Falkland Islands to Argentine or face The Pope!!

   Now would be the best time for the Pope to make a Harlem Shake Video!

   So they elected an Argentinean Pope... FREE CHURASCCO FOR EVERYONE!!

   If you don't have anything nice to say, feel free to come sit with me and we can make fun of people together.

   Has the new Pope made a Harlem Shake video yet?

   ..didn't get the job... heading home.. Good Bye Rome.. until we meet again

   The new pope mobile is gonna have a set of spinners now

   Shoutout to God for not giving wings to spiders.