Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I'm for traditional marriage, mostly because I want to know how many goats my wife is worth.

   More people chose to be religious more from their fear of hell than their love of their faith.

   Good job on the speed traps, cops - How are the murderer traps coming along?

   "I bet you I can get people to buy the shirt from a game they don't even know how to play." -Ralph Lauren

   There are three types of people in this world: Those who can count, and those who cant.

   The neighborhood bully fell off his skateboard in front of our house and kids have been ramping their bikes off him all day. I even took a turn.

   Would it be wrong of me to ask my Priest to install Wi-Fi in our Church?

   I'm a little disappointed that the Supreme Court proceedings this week didn't begin with,,,,, "Mawage.. Mawage is wot bwings us togever today."

   I'm so used to the google search bar finshing my thoughts for me I can barely complete a....... Wait what was my point again???

   I can't decide if people who wear pajamas in public have given up on life or are living it to the fullest.

   I got a message from facebook today.. saying my block list has exceeded my friends list. Congratulations this is a first. . .

   my ex downgraded and I upgraded.love it

   no weed+no food=no sleep :/

   If any of you have gotten any weird texts from me recently, its because my phone is working fine and I'm just trying to make you feel uncomfortable.

   I am not religious but I am grateful for this easter holiday, in fact I am grateful for any holiday that mean I dont have to go to work.

   HUGH HEFNER - Apparently, having sex with a lot of different women can extend your like. I wonder why I'm not dead yet.

   When you're an Atheist, every Friday is good and nobody has to die.

   The Pope washes and kisses women feet. I think the Pope has just found a discreet way to enjoy his foot fetish without raising any eyebrows.

   Man talking with his friend: "My wife died yesterday, I'm trying to cry but tears are not coming out, what should I do?" Friend: "That's simple. Just imagine she is coming back."

   A dental assistant is nothing more than a dentist's roadie