Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1563 of 6384
Fox news breakfast: Bigots and gravy.
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04-17-2015 21:31
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I stopped by a beauty supply store yesterday and they said they didn't have anything that would help me and asked me to leave....
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04-17-2015 16:10
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I am cute as hell, which is incidentally where I came from.
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04-17-2015 14:01
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just dropped my new single. it's me, i'm single.
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04-17-2015 14:00
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My personal style is best described as "didn't expect to have to get out of the car."
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04-17-2015 13:33 by flinnie
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Some guy just asked me for the time like it's freakin 1993. "Hold tight good fellow, allow me to fetch my timepiece from my pantaloons."
Getting out of bed in the morning always gave me a headache until I tried it feet first.
Being an adult is basically a “choose your own adventure” book, but every choice sounds terrible.
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04-17-2015 10:35
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Had I had access to a smartphone growing up, I probably would have had an album titled "School Bus Window Artwork"
My son asked me what it was like to have three kids so I went into his toy room, broke all his stuff, then made him get me a beer.
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04-17-2015 08:33
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Hey girl! Are you an Apple Watch because you can't seem to do anything without your iPhone.
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04-17-2015 08:31
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Whites fantasize about bla3ks, when they are with their bfriends. But once you go bla3k, you are a single mom :D.
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04-17-2015 08:19
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If you think husbands aren't good listeners, whisper "Come here, I'm naked" from anywhere in the house and see what happens.
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04-17-2015 07:52
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Ziploc's idea of how big a sandwich should be is very different than mine.
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04-17-2015 07:49
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Sorry I yelled, "Finish Him" at your wedding.
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04-17-2015 07:49
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Once you go black, the white man don't want you back !
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04-17-2015 00:27 by JAB
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You never have to worry about love at first sight if you steadfastly keep looking at your phone.
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04-16-2015 23:13 by BEGO
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My friend has to pay for sex ... he is buy-sexual.
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04-16-2015 22:49
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Can we just skip the Aaron Hernandez wide-receiver-tight-end jokes? They are so old and so lame.
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04-16-2015 20:41
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Aaron Hernandez went from getting 40 million as a tight end, to needing two packs of smokes for a tight end.
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04-16-2015 18:02 by John Y
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