Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1504 of 6446

According to WebMD, there's no cure for you're dead to me
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09-24-2015 06:07
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No thank you.No thank you.No thank you.No thank you.No thank you.No thank you.No thank you.No thank you. I just want the oil change
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09-24-2015 06:03 by snotty
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Intellegent people are often ostracized and shunned by most in society because everyone else is either stupid, uneducated or lacking basic critical thinking skills.
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09-24-2015 02:48
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If you tell me you're going to bed and I see you sign into Facebook 10 minutes later... I totally understand.
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09-23-2015 23:15
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I totally get why women are attracted to men who ride motorcycles. Like you increase your chances of getting to have two husbands by a lot.
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09-23-2015 22:58 by Zinc
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People say eye contact is important when flirting, but when I put my finger in someone's eye they never seem to like it.
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09-23-2015 22:55 by Zinc
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Diet tip: your pants will never get too tight if you don’t wear any.
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09-23-2015 22:54 by Zinc
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"YOU WANNA TAKE THIS OUTSIDE?" - guy that just got a new kite for his birthday
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09-23-2015 22:54 by Zinc
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I was in a gang once — we used to carry pocket knives & wear all green with blood-red bandanas around our neck. Wait, that was Boy Scouts.
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09-23-2015 22:53 by Zinc
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Don't forget to cut me off so you can be the first person to the red light.
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09-23-2015 22:52 by Zinc
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Hipsters are what happens when you tell every child they are special
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09-23-2015 21:38
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Only stupid, brainless and robotic idiots think education needs two layers of middle-men taking a cut out of the budget. (state + fed)
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09-23-2015 20:16
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It has come to my attention that some of you are eating the bottom half of cupcakes. That is the peel, people. Know your fruit.
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09-23-2015 12:53 by snotty
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4 out of 5 dead husbands agree that last casserole tasted really strange.
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09-23-2015 11:51 by snotty
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39. If I was a woman, I'd never leave the house. Unless, of course, I was finished cleaning and had permission.
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09-23-2015 10:33
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Yogi saw a fork in the road and took it! ~ RIP Yogi
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09-23-2015 09:51
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Crying doesnt indicate that youre weak. Since birth, it has been a sign that youre alive.
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09-22-2015 22:36 by BEGO
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The Big Mac doesn’t look anything like the ones in the ads… Same goes with people and Facebook profile pics.
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09-22-2015 22:35 by BEGO
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Never give up on something you really want. It’s difficult to wait, but it’s more difficult to regret.
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09-22-2015 22:34 by BEGO
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I think I'm gonna start giving ugly girls the phone numbers of guys I hate.
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09-22-2015 22:32 by BEGO
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