Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   The only sign on the door of the recruiting office in Chattanooga was the Gun Free Zone One.

   If you harvest ears of corn from a plant it's likely a corn plant, if you pick beans it's most likey from bean plant and if you harvest human organs it pretty much has to be from a human. There just isn't anywhere else to get them.

   President Obama is going to downplay this like he has every other attack. He can't have a war, now ISIS, they can have a war, but Barrack and Hilary, they can't.

   And here's another question I would love all you pro abortion people to answer, if a fetus is not a human life as you contend, how the hell does planned parenthood harvest and sell human organs from one?

   When are people going to start arming themselves? This is stupid people getting to shoot at you without getting shot at.

   I heard a person " an expert " on the news say the shooting in Tennessee oughta be a wake-up call. LOL. How many wake up calls does one need. May it should just serve as evidence of what happens when you hit the snooze button.

   Young Punks,,, In my day, all we had was "Dial-A-Joke",,, and we were grateful!

   If you put anything in your mouth that Bill Cosby gives you, he'll probably be putting something else in there in the very near future. Somebody should probably just kill him!

   I want anything with a Yankee emblem on it taken down for I am offended..

   I just read an article on Yahoo that says the high-risk areas for Lyme disease is growing. I'm pretty sure I have it! Um... I think mine might be Lemon-Lyme disease... Uh... It might not be a disease, exactly... Anywhoo... I like 7-up!

   Believe it or not. Gerge isn't at home.

   A few of my favorite things: 1. Raindrops on roses 2. Whiskers on kittens 3. Bright copper kettles 4. Warm woolen mittens 5. Coffee and pizza..

   It hurts to lose old friends, but when your paths diverge you shouldn't take the low road just fit the company.

   I'll never understand women. I held open a door and all she did was start screaming and got sucked out the plane.

   FACT: there's no manly way to put on chapstick. I usually just make a mean face and hum Tupac songs.

   what the difference between a g@y guy mustache and a straight guy mustache? ... The smell

   dont you hate it when your having a good day and then a human being tries to talk to you?

   shouldn't be that hard to convict Bill Cosby now. The proof is in the pudding...

   True story: one time I said "excuse me" to my own reflection into a glass door headed back into the bar

   think I speak for everyone when I say no one can speak for all of us.