Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon No need to build a wall. Just have Rosie O'Donnell lay down on the Mexican/American border.
←Rate | 11-16-2016 09:25 by Fazzella Comments (0)  


   messageicon I watched Bugs, Popeye, and the Roadrunner every day when growing up. This nation is the beacon for the world. Kids today watch cartoons with 0 violence and need safe zone. I fear the future.
←Rate | 11-16-2016 09:10 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (0)  


   messageicon Bi-polar Wednesday - that day where you teeter between, "Woo Hoo, the week is half over" and *tear*, "the week is only half over.
←Rate | 11-16-2016 09:00 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (0)  


   messageicon No, Sorry.. I don't watch dancing with the.. who gives a f#ck. .
←Rate | 11-16-2016 08:54 by JAB Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ya .... That Supermoon was OK ..... But I was quite disappointed when I realized it didn't even have a cape.
←Rate | 11-16-2016 07:57 Comments (0)  


   messageicon What if every opossum you saw on the side of the road was faking it?
←Rate | 11-16-2016 04:59 by Unknown comic Comments (0)  


   messageicon Thanksgiving tip #23: Call your dad now and ask him what the wifi password is so he has time to find the little paper it's written on before Thanksgiving.
←Rate | 11-15-2016 20:47 by huck Comments (0)  


   messageicon My alone time is sometimes for your safety."
←Rate | 11-15-2016 17:42 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's VERY magnanimous of Donald Trump to only take $1 in Presidential salary,, $1 seems Very small,, until you realize that's it's still more than he paid in taxes
←Rate | 11-15-2016 17:39 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon American Apparel is filing for bankruptcy again... The good news is that they're only a couple more bankruptcies away from running for President.
←Rate | 11-15-2016 16:59 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Joss Weadon is calling for the @ssassination of President Elect Trump ... Hope he realized he just commited a felony offense which is a Class E felony under United States Code Title 18, Section 871.
←Rate | 11-15-2016 14:29 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Scott Baio is not a part of the Presidential transition team. I’m really disappointed that Charles is not in Charge of anything.
←Rate | 11-15-2016 14:05 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hilarious how both Republicans and Democrats think they do now wrong when both sides are equally as evil...end the 2 party system and America will be great again
←Rate | 11-15-2016 12:32 Comments (1)  


   messageicon Kids today have it so easy. When I was a teenager it was almost impossible to find pictures of the First Lady naked on the internet.
←Rate | 11-15-2016 12:18 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Here's a thought: Let's let the illegal Mexicans stay and send the whining crybabies to Mexico. At least the illegal Mexicans are willing to work.
←Rate | 11-15-2016 11:36 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I used to have this device to help me find wild mushrooms but I misplaced it. You might say I lost my morel compass.
←Rate | 11-15-2016 07:51 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Friendly Reminder: a woman that hits a man is not a woman, she's a grown up child.
←Rate | 11-15-2016 06:57 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I would eat more tofu if it was an animal.
←Rate | 11-15-2016 06:09 Comments (0)  


   messageicon About 500 thousand astrologers in India and none of them predicted that the notes will be changed
←Rate | 11-15-2016 03:46 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Before the election I was getting a dozen political calls a day. Now nothing. I feel so lonely.
←Rate | 11-15-2016 00:24 Comments (0)  




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