Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon I wish there were no women football announcers. Isn't there a badminton channel they can get a gig with?
←Rate | 11-18-2016 09:38 by Sheezatayhay Comments (0)  


   messageicon My Bank called because they noticed "Highly Suspicious Activity" on my debit card. It was for a Gym Membership.
←Rate | 11-18-2016 07:01 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sir it would appear that you have sugar poisoning.... "You mean Diabetes?".. Ooh look at me, I'm a patient that knows all the diseases, ooh
←Rate | 11-17-2016 22:08 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon If at first you don't succeed, parachuting isn't for you
←Rate | 11-17-2016 21:38 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Imagine someone trying to assassinate Trump and the secret service having to yell ,Donald Duck
←Rate | 11-17-2016 21:32 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Will Seth Meyers continue to be on television now that the Clinton 2016 team is dissolving?
←Rate | 11-17-2016 19:30 by TiredOfBlue Comments (0)  


   messageicon Due to political correctness, "rapists" will now be called "unapproved lovers."
←Rate | 11-17-2016 17:56 Comments (0)  


   messageicon How can you say you like Maroon-5 ??.... Did you even try Maroons' 1 through 4 ??
←Rate | 11-17-2016 17:31 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon They've never overturned the initial electoral vote. It's never been changed. Never. Like Michael Moore's underwear.
←Rate | 11-17-2016 16:40 by Fazzella Comments (0)  


   messageicon Went to Starbucks this morning ordered coffee and told them my name was Trump. When my coffee was ready they started yelling my name. 4 out 5 people in the store started crying. It was hilarious....!!!
←Rate | 11-17-2016 14:37 Comments (0)  


   messageicon 12 years of school, 4 years of college; so now I can type "c you @ 2" #reallife
←Rate | 11-17-2016 11:37 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (1)  


   messageicon #marriage Girls are never wrong. Until they are. Then they cry and are, somehow, not wrong again.
←Rate | 11-17-2016 11:35 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (0)  


   messageicon Congratulations to Marijuana for winning more states than Hillary .
←Rate | 11-17-2016 11:35 by thejoke.cafe Comments (0)  


   messageicon The election in a nutshell: We let the p*ssies play pin the tail on the donkey for a while, then shut the party down.
←Rate | 11-17-2016 10:04 by Fazzella Comments (0)  


   messageicon Congrats to Alec Baldwin on securing a steady gig for the next 4 yrs.
←Rate | 11-17-2016 08:26 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I am a very tolerant person until you think differently than me. Then I act like a spoiled little brat.
←Rate | 11-17-2016 06:21 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My doctor said he's been practicing for 30 years. When will he start doing his job for real?
←Rate | 11-17-2016 04:57 by Udit Comments (0)  


   messageicon Donald Trump says he's only taking $1.00 a year as President. We could have had Hillary for $.77
←Rate | 11-17-2016 00:50 by boomtastic Comments (0)  


   messageicon I haven't seen Democrats this pissed since they were forced to free their slaves.
←Rate | 11-16-2016 21:57 by Ryan Comments (0)  


   messageicon Wait, the Goo Goo Dolls and Gin Blossoms aren't the same group??
←Rate | 11-16-2016 21:22 Comments (0)  




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