life Funny Status Messages

   I'm at the point in my life where I can do what I want, when I want to do it and without answering to anyone. I call that point divorce.

   I Just unlocked the 'Five Naps in One Day Achievement' in the game that is my life.

   I proposed my girl today. Apparently "Do you want to be the one who makes sandwiches for me for the rest of my life" isn't the way to do it.

   My Life: Wake up, Survive, Sleep.

   I still remember that moment I said I love you too, coz thats the exact moment my life got fuçked up!

   To block the annoying person's status updates, or keep them around because their horrible personal life is entertaining?!?!

   My Hair: "Life is so wild and free!" My Underarms: "Life is the pits." My Crotch: "Life stinks." My Ankles: "LIFE IS CRUSHING ME!"

   Nothing says "I've made poor life decisions" like a couch in your front yard.

   Just stubbed my toe on life

   I just don't get you people who prefer the cold over the heat. The best times of my life are spent being hot, sweaty, and naked. Not cold, shivering, and bundled up.

   Life is like p0rn. Much better when people stop talking.

   This is the real me. Full of problems. Full of love. Full of lost. Full of hurt. Full of life. Full of hope. Full of happiness. Most of all.....Full of friends.

   The Amazing Spiderman was good but they didn't cover the part in his life where he co-founded Facebook...I assume that will be in the sequel...

   I sure hope women don't roll their eyes in real life as much as they do here on facebook.

   If you don't discipline your child, life will.

   There has to come a point in my life where I'm standing on a hillside, watching a village I ravaged burn to the ground, laughing maniacally.

   Dear JB HATERs – I owe my life to Justin. On March 9th, 2009 I was in a coma for 6 months after a terrible car crash. One day my nurse turned the radio to Justin's song, so I got up, and turned the radio off.

   You had me at "life is total B.S."

   I have a feeling his life would have gone in a different direction had his name been Kanye East.

   There are so many things in life I still need to lick.