Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 913 of 6446

I like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in the concrete. It's so friggin' heroic.
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11-02-2010 12:20
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The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
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11-02-2010 12:22
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A lot of times when a package says Open Other End, I purposely open the end where it says that.
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11-02-2010 12:24
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The word bipartisan means some larger-than-usual deception is being carried out.
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11-02-2010 12:25
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Eskimo: "If I did not know about God and sin, would I go to hell?" Priest: "No, not if you did not know." Eskimo: "Then why did you tell me?"
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11-02-2010 12:38
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Does anyone else find it ironic that election day is on Dia de los Muertos? What a conundrum.
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11-02-2010 12:47
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convinced they gave a day pass to the people in the old folks home so they could work the polls today.
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11-02-2010 12:52
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Beware of Alphabet Grenades. If you throw them, it could spell disaster.
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11-02-2010 12:55 by Thrasher
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Just ran into my ex at the store. He has a wonderful new girlfriend now. Much better than I ever was. So I told him I had half a sandwich in my car and did she want those leftovers, too.
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11-02-2010 13:13
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does not understand why people say "if I won the lottery, I would still work"....im 100% sure I could find better things to do...especially when I'm rich
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11-02-2010 13:21 by cece
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For all those men who say, Why buy a cow when you can get milk for free. Here's an update for you: Now days, 80% of women are against marriage, WHY? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage.

It's really hard raising a child by yourself, I don't know how my T.V. does it.
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11-02-2010 14:26 by Aaron
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There is no place like home unless you are homeless...
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11-02-2010 15:02
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I must be some kind of food magician because every time I bite into a hard shelled taco I instantly have a hand full of nacho's.
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11-02-2010 15:58 by gblack
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They don't surprise the winner of the Retirement Home's Man of the year anymore.... That's how they lost last year's winner
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11-02-2010 17:42
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planning to do something today, but I haven't finished doing nothing from yesterday. Maybe I should be a politician..
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11-02-2010 17:51 by Wolf
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just looked at Yahoo! Trending Now: Brett Favre and Britney Spears right next to each other. Uh-oh. This could get out of hand in a hurry...

thinks instead of Jerry Springer using a Boxing Bell; he should just tie Cow Bells around all the Heifer's Necks....
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11-02-2010 18:47 by Donna
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Its all fun and games until the k9 unit shows up and tell you to pop open the trunk. I wish I was never born
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11-02-2010 19:25
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ELECTION DAY UPDATE: I just had some pizza and a soda.
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11-02-2010 20:19
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