Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 900 of 6446

yo, people that drive 10 mph under the speed limit 'cuz there's a cop behind you. stop it. you ain't gettin' free donuts or anything...

Love is when Mommy sees Daddy on the toilet and she doesn't think it's gross.
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10-28-2010 17:45 by RLL
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Health experts recommend 3 to 4 servings of fruit a day. So I wanna know exactly how many Coronas with limes is that gonna take?
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10-28-2010 18:17 by one
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what do you get when you cross GPS with PMS? A Crazy Beotch that will find you wherever you go!

My imaginary friend thinks you have serious mental problems.

amazed how unexpectedly and rapidly things can change. I am Gizmo and water was just splashed on me.
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10-28-2010 19:51 by Drew
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: Am I the only one who sat in class during high school and imagined what I would do to people if I could stop time?
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10-28-2010 20:03 by Kelevra
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Last women I hooked up with at the retirement home told me, "If you break it you buy it"! You know what that hip replacement cost me??

Cheesy pick up line for the weekend: "Well, your here so I got my treat.How about we go to my place for some tricks?"
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10-28-2010 20:26
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White House says Obama's "Daily Show" appearance was a success... In related news, the White House says Obama successfully poured cereal in his bowl this morning.
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10-28-2010 23:58 by Billy
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What do you think is the best Social Networking tool? Facebook? Twitter? Orkut? ... I say BEER! Yep, that's right. There's no other medium that makes friends bond as much as beer does....
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10-29-2010 00:16
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Going to dress up as Maury Povich and visit the hospital delivery room telling the guy he is not the father.
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10-29-2010 00:22
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Deafness is getting to be quite a problem for me lately. I never thought I'd hear myself say that.
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10-29-2010 00:35
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loading weekend… ██████████ 80% complete - (for Thursdays)
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10-29-2010 01:32 by julie
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: Halloween.. The only time of the year where it's ok to take candy from a stranger
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10-29-2010 01:39 by Elbow
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one of those "Real Men Of Genius" Bud Light is talkin' about.....
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10-29-2010 01:50
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Electricity off?... Check. Doors and windows unlocked?... Check. Knives, Chainsaws, Machettes sharpened?... Double Check!! HAPPY HALLOWEEN
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10-29-2010 01:54 by Steve OH
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Spongebob is trying to give Gary a bath, aren't they already underwater?
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10-29-2010 01:59 by Sabrina
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Beauty is why God invented eyeballs.., and your booty is why God invented my balls...
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10-29-2010 04:09 by Sam K
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Your Halloween costume came to my house by mistake today, sorry I opened it. It was a rooster mask and a bag of lollipops. Going as a c**ksucker again I see!
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10-29-2010 08:54
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