Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I'm ASKING you to read this and TELLING you a soldier chooses to serve and fight for ALL Americans unconditionally. Perhaps the government should return the favor

   I call you sunshine.... not because you rise in the am; but because you go down at night.

   I slap my own ass when having sex cause I'm that kinky. . . And alone.

   showed my son the switch that makes the fridge light go off when the door closes. He looked at me like I'd just shot Santa in the nuts.

   I celebrate the Equinox every year by dressing up in a sparkly jump suit....I call it the sequinox!!!!

   I think the only people that can use a disposable razor and NOT cut themselves are people that have been to prison!

   enjoyed deleting 10 friends to get a free Whopper.

   Breaking news: Facebook website is down for most users. Twitter will soon follow as it is overwhelmed by tweets asking "Is facebook down?"

   Says having Steven Tyler as a judge on American Idol is like having a Triple Crown Winner at Wal-Mart giving pony rides!

   Unlike my girlfriend Facebook goes down.

   No more wasting time with feeling sorry for myself; no more depression; time to rise up and fight back!

   The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.

   You should see all the pissed Farmville people taking their Facebook frustration out on Twitter.

   I wonder if my boss was more fun and carefree in his youth, when his name was Anakin.

   Facebook has been down for 2 hours. The apocalypse has begun.

   I'm so happy Facebook wasn't around when I was in high school.

   I'm watching this show on stalkers, still haven't seen any of you yet.

   I think most of my friends hang out with me to see what I'll say next.

   DNS FAILURE: Facebook is down which means 9 months from today, many children will be born.

   Good girls bend at the kness. BAD girls bend at the waist. ;)