Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   They say you never know what you have till you lose it, You promise your girl something you better do it, You can't tell a woman you love her are you stupid, Words don't express you love you got to prove it

   Why does this baby gravy always have to stick to my eyes

   First "The Drive" then "The Shot" now "The Decision". Cleveland is offically curse.

   When something begins to grow in your toilet resembling seaweed, it does not make you an "eco-friendly champion of the environment," but it's a nice spin on your lack of housekeeping.

   Song # 1 in Lebron's Ipod is.....I'm In MIAMI B**CH!

   Love me or Hate me...either way you still have a feeling for me!!

   I've lost my mind, if you find it please put it back in the gutter..

   Apparently German research labs are giving away octopus meat

   so broke, the bank manager came and took the calendar back...

   I guess Einstein was on Acid when he derived E=mc²

   Tip to reduce weight: first turn your head to the left and then turn it to the right, repeat this exercise every time you are offered something to eat.

   Jesus Christ is on Twitter with 159,933 followers & following None.. lol

   If I go without sun much longer I am going to turn into a bat and fly to my castle......

   Did 4000 eyelid lifts today.......I am tired. time for bed.

   According to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, the top three paying jobs for women are pharmacist, chief executive, and Tiger Woods wife.

   Has heard that there is going to be a movie about the greatest golfer to every play the game. It's called "crying tiger.. hidden mistress"

   Question: "Why did Jack Bauer cross the road?" Answer: "Because the road was too afraid to cross Jack Bauer!!!!"

   next worldcup england are going to wear jerseys with a GPS system.......so that they know where the goal is:D

   gathering rocks to throw at LeBron...Cleveland will STILL ROCK without you!

   ive taken my adarall and my xanax... I hear you but really dont care what your saying