Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   T- ake you to a place where true R- esonance is all you can feel A-nd hear, while N-egating that stress that C- aptures you, me ...and E- veryone

   I am a good listener, just ask my TV.

   Feels like kicking butt today - take a number and get in line

   Team Edward? Team Jacob? How about Team Dracula....you pussies!

   Before you send me any sick jokes about that murderer in the North East don't bother. It's not even rauolmoatly funny.

   There's a reason why the word semen falls smack dab in the middle of amusement!

   I've seen as many smart people today as Stevie Wonder has.

   Don't hate me for being me, hate yourself for not being me!

   Ability is what will get you to the top if the boss has no daughter.

   DAMN! Its a preview of Hell outside today!!!

   If you're going to have two faces, you'd think you'd make one of them attractive

   Girls are superheros cause who else could bleed for 5 days and not die!?

   met a fairy today who granted me one wish, I want to live forever I said, sorry said the fairy, I am not allowed to grant wishes like that. Fine I said, I want to die when England win the World Cup, 'you crafty b@$t@rd!' said the fairy...

   Any views which are expressed and any similarity of persons portrayed to any actual persons living or dead in the following status message is purely incidental...

   trying very hard to be the person her doctor medicates her to be.

   I will say one thing about Lady GaGa. She wears stuff that even Boy George wouldn't be caught out in public in.

   its so hot, I just saw a bird blow a worm before it ate it

   got so bored that I decided to take a crap for no reason

   How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?

   Tonight right before LeBron makes his announcement, Kayne West is going to jump on stage, grab the mic, and say "LeBron, LeBron.. You're a great ball player, but Michael Jordan is the best of all time." Then jump off stage.