Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   T-Pain, 50 Cent,Drake, Nelly, Kanye West, LIL Wayne, Soulja Boy and numerous rappers from down south, you are all wanted for the murder of HIP HOP, HIP HOP was last seen in the late 90's and has disapeared since.

   If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook

   Never end a sentence with a preposition. Incorrect: Thongs crack me up. Correct: Thongs up me crack.

   I think Eminem should become a dentist just so he can say "snap back to reality, oh there goes a cavity."

   I feel sorry for our ancestors who used to have to wait days or weeks to hear from friends that they were laughing out loud.

   I think you misunderstood me. I said "go phuck yourself" with a PH. So, that makes it cool and not remotely offensive... Phucktard.

     The Bible tells us to love our neighbours, and also to love our enemies; probably generally they are the same people.

   As a man, it scares the hell out of me that North Korea has a missile called the "no dong."

   It wasn't until Rick gazed upon a photo on her facebook after 4 kids, and 80 pounds that he finally stopped wishing he had Jessie's girl.

   Disinfecting my kitchen right now with the glass of vodka and Red Bull that I just spilled all over the countertop.

   I'm totally over LOST. I don't even care anymore. I don't miss it at all. Do you want to drive by LOST's house and see if it's home?

   This is today 8====> and this is me (_!_)

   Can you call the Geek Squad if you just want to give someone a wedgie?

   With great power comes a great electric bill...

   I never pick up the house phone....But run a mile for the Cell Phone.

   The new version of Pac-Man was so awesome, it came with a search engine built into it... Can we have it back...?

   I took my dog for a walk and played Frisbee with him, but he was useless. I really need to get a flatter dog.

   wondering how gas prices go UP after a hurricane, but go DOWN when there is oil leaking all ove the Gulf Of Mexico?

   Life rarely hands me anything. Am I in the wrong line???

   I once had fake plants in my house, but they died, because I forgot to pretend to water them.