santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   Dear Santa, I would like a thin body and a fat bank account. Don't mix it up this year!

   Why is my wife asking me for a watch for christmas? She already has one on the microwave and oven!

   Should I be worried that Santa just de-friended me?

   This is like the 8th Christmas in a row I've been doing my last minute shopping & forgotten about the 10 day waiting period on handguns.

   I don't think NORAD should be publishing the location of Santa. This is just the sort of information we don't want the terrorists to have.

   Since going green, Santa has stopped using coal and now fills the stockings of kids on the naughty list with windmills.

   How did I end up on the naughty list? I sold my soul to Santa as a kid for better toys. Too bad I'm dyslexic.

   Well Santa has started his Journey and is now in Australia. I hope he is careful over Iran. Last thing we need is to have him shot down and used as the latest Iranian Spy drone..

   Dear Santa, I'm writing to let you know that I've been naughty... and it was worth it. You fat, judgmental b@stard.

   I hate the smell of Walmart when I walk in. It smells like old beer and subway. Merry Christmas everyone!

   guess I have got to that stage in life where I am either too old for presents or my family has converted to hinduism in my abscense :(

   .Merry Christmas to most,and to a select few of you may santa flush his $hitter over your chimney!

   I'm dreaming of a liberal Christmas, where nothing is paid for, I always sit on the couch with my hand out, waiting for the people with jobs to pay me more.

   If judging others is a sin, Santa must be going to hell.

   You say toilet, I say Christmas beer vomit receptacle.

   Merry Christmas (I'm not showing off but I bet I get that trending all day today)

   This just in... Casey Anthony just got ran over by a reindeer, walking home from the stripclub Christmas Eve. Merry Christmas everyone!

   i hope santa brings me my post apocalyptic survival kit tomorrow! aka: a 12 pack

   If all my Christmas presents were wrapped in bubble wrap... it's be like two gifts in one!!

   Excellent! My prediction of the millions of "Merry Christmas" status updates is coming along perfectly. Now all I need is a million "Happy New Years" status updates and my goals of knowing the obvious will be complete.