Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   My cosmetic surgery might have gone wrong but I'm smiling on the inside.

   BEHIND EVERY GREAT WOMAN IS A MAN.......CHECKING OUT HER A$$....

   i just fitted a strobe light in the bedroom....it makes it look like the wife's moving during sex

   Wales..The only country you can get a great sh@g,a delicious Hotpot and a Smashing Jumper all from the same Animal.

   -- If pubs don't serve really drunk people why do Mcdonalds serve really fat people?

   so F'n tired of those cheesy Old Navy mannequin commercials!!! Are they really hurting for money that they cant pay real actors????

   -- Magazine collectors, they have a lot of issues....

   This is my Facebook status. There are many like it but this one is mine...

   This is my facebook. This is my gun. This is for posting this is for fun

   the best way to piss off your wife is to tell her her pants look too loose.....

   I can't watch Kate Gosselin on Dancing with the Stars. Whenever they swing her around the dance floor, I'm scared more babies will fly out!

   I'm not on Team Edward or Team Jacob. I'm on Team Buffy!

   I want to start a women's magazine called "Period". And some months I'll send it out late just to freak out my subscribers.

   If napping was an Olympic sport I would be on a Wheaties box!!!

   the only thing not covered by the new health care bill is busting your ass

   getting ready to rock your world, so bring a change of underwear. Why? When it happens, you'll know.

   life is all about ass. Your'e either covering it, laughing it off, kicking it, kissing it, busting it, trying to get a piece of it, behaving like one, or you live with one!

   Pfft, No pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, just a bunch of fruits

   i bet after sex that girl smokes a ham instead of a cigarette! ughh

   im on the road to riches with jus a lil bit of traffic..