Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Search Messages:
Did you see that 3 pointer that Lebron James hairline just made ? What a way to close out the quarter. 
The best part of being single is that you always get to be right.
Gas is $4.39 a gallon.... And girls think we're coming over to Just chill???
“A mother is a person who seeing there are only four pieces of pie for five people, promptly announces she never did care for pie.”
“A mother takes twenty years to make a man of her boy, and another woman makes a fool of him in twenty minutes.”
My father gave me the greatest gift anyone could give another person, he believed in me.
Heros don't wear capes, they wear dog tags.
I swear if my boss paid ever me in Trident Layers, I'd probably have to kick his ass.
Adolescences does n't work to much after high school
can you spare just $2? Ranji is a 9 yr old boy living in Namibia. He has 1 leg, 1 arm, and 1 eye. Each day he rides 7 miles to school with a bike w/ bent wheels and no brakes. If you just send $2, we will send you the video it's freaking hilarious.
If I ever get a tattoo,I am going to get a grape, that way when I am old,it will be a raisin.
Right now I wondering if I would have never been conceived, if it weren't for the Doobie Brothers.
Had I known how difficult it was to get old people's smell out of a mattress, I never would've gone cougar hunting at the retirement home.
When I dance it looks like a baby covered in baby oil is constantly slipping out of my hands and I'm catching it.
I woke up on the sexy side of the bed this morning !
1 sperm has 37.5 MB of DNA information in it. This means a normal ejaculation represents a data transfer of 1587GB in 3 seconds... And you thought 4G was fast!
Holy Crap!!! I'm watching Fox News as we speak and they just discovered bigfoot for real... wait wait.. disregard it's Chaz Bono....
Found some lovely shoes, almost new in fact, I don't know why anyone would throw them away. They were just sitting there outside the mosque.
Never do anything you wouldn't want to explain to a paramedic.
If you think 4G is fast....try pissing her off :) 