life Funny Status Messages

   I've had an awesome life and I still haven't needed to use algebra. Who was the a-hole who made up a useless subject like this to be tested in on is school, did I mention they were an a-hole. . .

   What if they make a movie about Leo’s life and how he couldn’t win an Oscar, and the dude who plays Leo wins an Oscar…AWKWARD!

   There's something about the way you could ruin my entire life that makes me want you. - WOMEN

   I give up on life when I picked up this girls phone and saw my contact name as FREE FOOD.

   They say you will eat around 23 spiders in your life, but really you can eat as many as you want. Treat yourself, you deserve it.

   I've given up trying to kill you for lent, enjoy your life for the next 38 days.

   Lost is actually being played out in real life.

   Women have 2 guys in their life.. The one they are screwing, and the one they should be screwing.

   My boss told me "Sarcasm will get you nowhere in life," "Well, it got me to the 'International Sarcasm' finals in Santiago, Chile in 2009," I informed him. "Really?" he asked. "No," I said.

   My life's not always.. 'Fun and games' Sometimes it's too much whiskey annnd... Oops.. Wrong hole!

   According to my calculations, 2025 is going to be the best year ever - I will finally run out of Conditioner the same time as the Shampoo, It's the little things in life I tell ya!

   Every one should marry because happiness is not the only thing in life...

   Tired of everyone taunting and cursing you? Do you feel, no one cares about you anymore? Pressure at work? Feel like running away from this boring life?Fly Malaysian Airlines ✈.. And GET LOST..✈

   With my luck, the love of my life was on that plane.

   Doctors are saying that each piece of bacon you eat takes 9 minutes off your life.... Based on the math, I should haved died in 1732.

   Nobody looks back at their life and remembers the nights they got plenty of sleep. Friday night here I come

   I'm sure that I'm not alone in this. My whole life Frosted Flakes has been my favorite cereal. I keep it in my freezer as the cereal says Frosted.

   Well, I've officially entered the, "Why did I come into this room?" phase of my life.

   If I'm ever in the hospital on Life Support, don't just pull the plug. Pull it and plug it back in. Basically, see if you can reboot me.

   Summer: Hair gets lighter. Skin gets darker. Water gets warmer. Drink get colder. Music gets louder. Night get longer. Life gets Better.