Funny Status Messages

   NEVER let someone know what annoys you...or you will fuel their fire...

   I think it's hilarious people have profile pics up of them from 2 yrs ago. You do not look like that anymore, hunny. lol

   I told a girl she drew her eyebrows on too high. She looked pretty surprised.

   I have taken a vow of poverty. To annoy me...send money.

   people will hate you, rate you, break you, and shake you. how strong you stand is what makes you.

   If my calculations are correct... Switching to Geico from Allstate, then transferring your policy to State Farm, only to drop them and switch to Progressive.... Auto insurance will be free!

   ok Ladies, time to start tenderizing the meat!

   I walk light so I don't piss the ground off..

   The world needs a hero, I'll go change my clothes..

   Fashion tip of the day: If your thighs stop moving 30 seconds after you do, say NO to spandex.

   I demand a “That's what she said” button be added to Facebook

   Happy Pi day!!! Party at my house.. BYOC (Bring your own calculator) :D

   What is the meanest thing you can do to a person? Take the light bulb out of the bathroom and leave the plunger in the toilet!

   I think I discovered time travel...I put instant coffee in the microwave.

   I rather have that one in a million friend rather than a million friends-Josh Frazier-

   You have enemies? Good. That means you've stood up for something, sometime in your life.

   If athletes wear 'JUST DO IT' shirts...do drug dealers wear 'JUST SELL IT' shirts?

   Libyan uprising, Japan quake/tsunami, impending nuclear reactor(s) metdown -- BUSH'S FAULT

   I just accidentally sat through the commercials of a show recorded on my DVR. Every time I do that, a part of me dies.

   I disapprove of every conspiracy of which I am not a part of.