Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Just beheaded my neighbor's snowman and placed it on a stake on his front lawn.

   If a wolf can take down a deer from either flank, does that make him bambidextrous?

   1) Type in google "50 Most Popular Women" 2) Find something with abcnews.com 3) Click on it 4) Look Who has "Nr. 7" position 5) Have a nice laugh)))

   WWJD (Who Wants Jelly Donuts?

   Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

   I had the right to remain silent, but I didn't have the ability.....

   Snowman hunting is good training for the zombie apocalypse.

   Did you hear about the new Austalian diet? It's called Swim Fast.

   Kate Middleton asks the Queen the secret of a successful marriage. The Queen says, "Wear a seatbelt and don't piss me off."

   I'm a much better fighter now that I have a blackbelt. I was f-kin hopeless when my trousers kept falling down.

   I began to slip while going to my car but turned it into a fantastic Moonwalk instead...man I got skills!

   Every man should carry a sharp knfife , a sharp pen and a sharp tongue but only a gentlemen knows whe to use them

   The sexual position, more commonly known as 69 will now be known as 96. Due to the economy, it now costs more to eat out than it use to.

   Man life is a bi+ch..why couldn't it be a slut? At least then it would be easy!

   As an experiment I'm going to try to see life through the eyes of a man...dammit, I can't stop staring at my a$$ in the mirror!

   A chinese couple had a black baby guess what they named him? Sum ting wong

   A man's idea of helping with the housework is lifting his legs so you can vacuum...

   -2-Face contact with this so called "Future-me" or it could have serious affects on the way of life as I know it now... "I knew I would own a Delorean one day... HIGH FIVE

   I think that if I were a cannibal I'd only eat vegetarians, for the irony.

   If you pull them up high enough, any underwear becomes a thong.