Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 593 of 6385
I guess since you can't adopt Russian children anymore, you will just have to wait until they are old enough to be a mail order bride.
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12-29-2012 12:23
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WHY IS THAT COTTON CANDY TALKING?!.............. "Grandma, that's Niki Minaj."
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01-17-2013 08:06 by snotty
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My father was never proud of me. One day he asked me, "How old are you?" I said, "I'm five." He said, "When I was your age I was six."
I would unfriend you but I enjoy laughing at your life.
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01-27-2013 21:10 by BEGO
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Tip for women; All men really want is to be close to someone who will leave them the hell alone.
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04-12-2013 11:51
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Hey, young parents,,, When you pick a name for your kid, type it in Microsoft Word first. If the red squiggly line shows up, please reconsider.
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06-26-2013 07:44 by snotty
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Since this is an "S" storm, I think they should have named it Hurricane Snookie since it will be slamming and blowing the entire Jersey Shore
MTV to Ring in New Year With Ke$ha and 'Jersey Shore' Cast. So if the world ends on the 21st, it will at least spare us that.
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12-07-2012 06:18 by Huck
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brought to you today...by the neighbor's router. ;)
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09-09-2010 14:08
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why is it after I press 1 for english, I still cannot understand the person on the other line?
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09-22-2010 17:33 by TOM
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I'm wondering why life keeps teaching me lessons I have no desire to learn...
You know you're getting old when one of the Goonies is now playing a grandmother in a TV comedy.
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10-21-2010 18:28
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wonders who opened that first oyster and said, "My, my, my... now doesn't this look yummy!"
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10-23-2010 19:48
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would like to offer you a helpful tip : Build a bridge.....AND JUMP OFF IT!!
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10-25-2010 08:35 by Elbow
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If I select the "Advance Pat Down" option instead of the Full Body Scanner, do I get some Barry White music and a nice glass of Merlot?
Do car companies REALLY think it's possible that a spouse is secretly able to obtain financing, purchase a car, have it wrapped in a bow, and delivered on Christmas Eve?
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12-02-2010 18:28
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Glow-in-the-dark condoms: now you see it, now you don't!
"Handle every stressful situation like a Dog.....Pee on it and walk away."
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05-31-2010 02:30 by Sharath
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"If I weren't such an alcoholic I would throw my drink in your face"
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06-01-2010 13:08 by Joser
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When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets
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12-07-2009 14:35 by Snypa
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