Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 490 of 6385
just seen the ex and now sitting here wondering... What was I smoking and drinking throughout THAT whole relationship!
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10-25-2010 17:11 by Elbow
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this one's not funny, keep scrolling . . .
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11-18-2010 00:08
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I have a lot of people in my phone with the last name "FromTheBar".
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12-28-2010 14:26 by Lesley
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Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need more. A friend or money?
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01-20-2011 09:43 by Will
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I just read something so funny it made me spit coffee out my nose, which is odd because I wasn't drinking coffee at the time.
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05-25-2010 10:20 by flinnie
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Have you thought about being a bit selective when uploading photos. We don't need to see the WHOLE PHOTO SESSION.
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03-05-2010 22:58 by Danmanz
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thinks there are better things in life than alcohol, but alcohol makes up for not having them
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06-22-2009 15:36
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I love eating at Subway. It's the only place I get to say "I'd like a 12 inch Italian" without being judged.
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02-09-2011 21:22
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Calling someone "stupid" is mean. Unless they actually are. Then it's just a diagnosis.
That awkward moment when you're at a red light and you look at the person next to you and they're already looking at you
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05-27-2011 13:16
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Dear infommercials.. Clearly its not a $100 value if you're selling it for 10 bucks
If I ever go missing I want my picture on a 40 oz beer rather than a milk carton, because I want fun people to find me.
A boy was being mean to my 6 year old daughter yesterday, so she punched him in the eye... Was ice cream the correct punishment?
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10-28-2013 18:17 by snotty
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I just wanted to say "Thank you" to those of you have faithfully cracked me up when I pop in here. Off to wipe coffee of my screen again.
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11-14-2011 15:47
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Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman: "And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?" the reporter asked. She simply replied, "No peer pressure."
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12-11-2011 01:56
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I think about running away from home more often as an adult than I ever did when I was a kid.
I should probably press charges on myself after the shower I just took.
Ever wonder how many of your friends are jerks? Just post something with a typo in it..... It's like their mating call.
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04-11-2012 12:36 by snotty
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Apparently reenacting scenes from the deadliest catch is frowned upon at the Red Lobster.
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12-31-2012 00:38 by jcow1den
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Get a tattoo with Chinese symbols that reads, "I don't know. I don't speak Chinese." Wait for people to ask what your tattoo means.
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02-09-2013 21:56 by Aaron
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