Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Dear Every Rapper Alive, The same word used in consecutive sentences is not a rhyme, it is the same word used in consecutive sentences... Please Lil Wayne and Drake, work on that... thanks, Dave :-)

   That Wiener story just keeps getting bigger and bigger...

   Dear women::: Would it kill you to have a beer and watch the game instead of nagging..!!!!!

   Tequlia DOES make her clothes fall off! Okay, she passed out and somehow they "fell" off, but still.

   I'm sorry I ran over your dog but in my defense I was texting! You're being awfully judgemental for someone who can't even see.

   thanks to the economy, instead of USA its been renamed to IOUSA.

   I am so hungry I can eat a horse and a small fries.

   Not sure who swept New york faster.. The Hurricane or the tigers

   B-E-F-O-R-E not b4. We speak English not fuc?ing bingo.

   I just tried drinking orange juice with pulp in it and I finally understand why women don't like to swallow...

   Remember, ladies...It's better to wake up with a mysterious gash on your finger than a mysterious finger in your gash.

   If a girl is puking I will always hold her hair back. That way I can aim her head and use her as a vomit gun.

   All of my Ex's nicknamed me Subway because I've got low quality meat and lie about being 6 inches

   I'm black but not "ain't nobody got time for that" black.

   Probably the toughest time in anyone's life is when you have to murder a loved one because they're the devil.

   Italy seizes $30 million from the Vatican in probe. Nice to finally see the Catholic clergy on the receiving end of a probe.

   Computer Geek's Pickup Line: Is your name Google? No. Why? Because you have everything I've been searching for!

   A friend of mine inserted an wanted ad in the Craigslist: It said "Wife wanted". Next day he said that he received a hundred replies. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."

   in a relationship with the Craigslist Killer and it complicated!

   Relationships are like farts, if you push to hard, things could get messy!