Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Search Messages:
Mom: I found this condom while I was cleaning your room. Are you sexually active? Girl: No. I just lay there. 
You realize like, billions of women have done the same damn thing right?
In group discussions, chicks with big boobs always seem to say the right things.
Anyone else find it odd that on Star Trek, when they say "to boldly go where no one has gone before", when they get there, they always meet someone?
I found some dignity. If no one claims it in 24 hours, I'm keeping it.
The problem with some people is that they’re alive.
Liking something on Facebook instead of commenting is like nodding at someone in an elevator instead of saying hello.
SOOOOO wanted Kim and Kayne to name their daughter Wild Wild........
She is so ugly, how does she have a boyfriend? Maybe she has an amazing personality and her boyfriend isnt a judgemental cu$t like you..
Holy shi t! Did you guys know Facebook has a "sign out" button?
I love how the internet has improved people's grammar far more then any English teacher has. If you write "your" instead of "you're" in a English class all you get is a red mark.... Mess up on the Internet just once, and may God have mercy on your soul.
When I was young, I had to walk all the way to the TV to change the channels.
Google is my spellchecker.
feels sorry for all the hassle Toyota drivers have had to put up with the last few weeks, they deserve a brake...
that you might as well sleep with me because I'm going to tell all my friends you did anyway.
"For the record I made women from men before it was cool." - GOD
Just found out that Oprah is leaving her show after 25 years. I didn't know that! How in the world could I have missed that? Oh ya, I don't give a crap...
Don't tell me anything about the new Harry Potter film! I still haven't seen the first 6 films.
Explosion at Boston Marathon blame the bomber. Shooting at school blame the gun?? Idiocracy?
Two things you can always be certain about when it comes to women: 1) They're always cold. 2) It’s somehow your fault. 