Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Search Messages:
English man and a Thai woman are in bed. After sex the women starts stroking his weenie. The man asks haven't you had enough? She says “yeah, I just miss mine." 
pays tribute to Mickey Mouse who will turn 82 years old this year. He's now the oldest rodent in show business, unless you count that thing on Donald Trump's head....
Sometimes I go down to the Home Depot and pick up day laborers in my truck just to have people to drink with. Hop in, amigos. It's Miller time.
When someone is waiting for you to leave so they can take your parking spot: 1) Pretent to turn key. 2) Exit car. 3) Open hood and look frustrated.
he finally killed someone...bout time obama blackened up.
Everybody in Chicago is moaning about the snow. Um it is winter and it is Chicago, what dou you expect? Sunshine and lollipops?
There's no more difficult transition than Sunday to Monday...
its better to loved and lost then to live with the psycho for the rest of your life.
My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to $3.00 a can. That's almost $21.00 in dog money.
has been asked to change his status regarding SATC2. Apparently PETA didn't take too well at me comparing Sarah Jessica Parker/Carrie to a horse. It was harsh on horses worldwide..... I am sorry......
Mel Gibson, Randy Quaid and Charlie Sheen walk into a bar. I don't know what the punchline is, but I'm pretty sure the cops are showing up.
Tired of everyone taunting and cursing you? Do you feel, no one cares about you anymore? Pressure at work? Feel like running away from this boring life?Fly Malaysian Airlines ✈.. And GET LOST..✈
So, all theses years I thought it was the dyer making my shirts not fit. now I'm pretty sure it the refrigerator.
“Check under the hood, dumbass.” – The Clitoris
Why yes, I will be getting drunk tonight! Thanks for asking!
Apparently my girlfriend has no problem putting my d*ck in her mouth but she won't let me touch her if I don't wash my hands right after I pee coz that's disgusting.
Million dollar idea: A bathroom mirror that takes pictures.
This just isn't my day... It could be raining t*tties and I'd get hit in the head with a d*ck...
Prediction: in 40 years medicare will cover tattoo removal.
If I really lived every day like it's my last, I would have diabetes and multiple STD's. 