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Some people live life in the fast lane. I have decided that I live it in oncoming traffic at night with no lights on. Welcome to my world, buckle up.
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09-14-2010 09:41
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Teamwork is essential - it allows you to blame someone else.
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10-01-2010 14:34 by
Heather25
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How does that old saying go.. Nice guys finish, In their hand?
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10-05-2010 10:43 by
boo
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duck....duck...duck...grey goose!
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10-06-2010 21:17 by
tmdavies31
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some people were dropped as babies. clearly, you were thrown against a wall.
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10-16-2010 14:48 by
ohsydney.
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How many Snickers are an acceptable meal replacement?
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10-31-2010 13:47 by
Wolf
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Whenever I get a message that begins with "Hey Stranger" I know I'm about to be asked for a favor by someone I don't want to help.
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11-03-2010 23:43 by
Marshall the Great
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So we just spent $4 billion on an election about "too much spending?"
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11-04-2010 21:09 by
jdpower
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Poodles aren't as absorbent as they look.
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09-13-2011 11:13 by
SuthernFukr
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Every time I lose my phone, it's always on either silent or vibrate. How convenient…
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09-19-2011 21:03 by
BEGO
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The person who coined the phrase "Laughter is the best medicine" probably never received Demerol during his hospitalization.
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08-19-2011 15:54 by
JBabcock
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Relationships are like a card game. You start off with 2 Hearts and a Diamond, then end up wishing you had a Club and Spade.
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09-07-2011 16:25 by
casey.kembry
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The least they can do while screwing me at the gas pump is to pull my hair!!!
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03-08-2011 09:08
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I am so clever sometimes I don't even understand what I'm saying.
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03-09-2011 06:36 by
Brafty Crastard
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you're not drinking alone if there's a mirror in the room right?!
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03-30-2011 16:22
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If you go to google and type " why does my " in the search box. Read some of the suggestions on there and you'll see why I hate people.
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06-15-2011 07:51 by
Jackbrass
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I only do things the voices in my wife's head tell her to tell me to do.
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07-02-2011 12:33
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The two words that get me in the most trouble are "Why Not?"
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07-10-2011 14:48 by
SuthernFukr
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If you spend the rest of your life trying to make up for past mistakes, there won't be any time to make any new ones.
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07-23-2011 21:35 by
BEGO
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If you ever hit rock bottom, bring some beer. I'm almost out.
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07-28-2011 10:51
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