Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 578 of 6385
I thought we were gonna buy Mexico, Then fix it up & flip it... What ever happened with that?
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07-01-2012 20:31 by snotty
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OMG!!! Direct TV is no longer showing Viacom channels... How am I going to watch 16 and Pregnant now? Oh.. wait.. Walmart. NEVERMIND!
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07-11-2012 14:29
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If I come to your house and you say "make yourself at home", don't get mad when I take my pants off and drink your beer.
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04-24-2012 21:13 by BEGO
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now a days...all the little rascals would have been removed from their homes and the parents would be facing neglect charges
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05-02-2012 07:02
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Mark Zuckerberg is 28 today and is worth $100B. Reminds me of when I was 28 and was able to purchase groceries without selling plasma.
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05-14-2012 15:44
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Some guy just gave me half of a peace sign.
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05-05-2011 19:17 by Aaron
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Had a big mix up at the store today... Apparently, when the woman said strip down facing me,she was referring to my credit card.
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04-10-2012 22:26
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I hate when I plan out a conversation with someone in my head and they don't follow the script.
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08-16-2010 19:27
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The next time someone annoys you so much you just wanna slap them… Do it and say, “Mosquito” and quickly walk away.
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10-26-2010 11:01 by Michael
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you are seven. Why do you have a phone? Who are you going to call....... Dora?
I'm trying to remain humble but I'm the most famous person in my living room right now.
Hey lady in the other car, eating and talking on your cell phone. It's called a Ford Focus, not a Ford Multi-task.
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05-18-2010 12:30 by Joser
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DOCTORS WRITING: "﹏﹏ ﹏﹏ ﹏﹏." HOW I SEE IT: "∮₪₮₩£." HOW THE PHARMACIST SEES IT: "Aspirin."
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03-06-2012 19:58 by BEGO
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When you hear "that's illegal in 49 states,"....The other state is ALWAYS Kentucky..
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05-01-2012 13:19 by snotty
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We were making out on the couch and She's like "Let's take this upstairs" I'm like "Ok you grab one side and I'll grab the other!"
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05-27-2012 16:59 by Aaron
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If the person is ugly , you call them a stalker. If the person is goodlooking, you call them a secret admirer.
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12-07-2011 21:35 by fadolo
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Only people with sh!tty video cameras and shaky hands can see UFOs.
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11-14-2011 00:46 by g0re
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You never realize what you have till its gone... Toilet paper is a good example.
Just saw a coyote next to the highway... I hope this tunnel ahead isn't just painted on.
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01-14-2014 16:20 by snotty
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Me? Stalk? No, I just observe... behind a tree... at night…in the rain.
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08-04-2011 12:24 by BAD GUY
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