Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 575 of 6385
Sleep is like sex... I don't get either one as much as I want.
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08-19-2010 16:42
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NFL preseason games are like Cinemax porn. If you haven't seen the real thing in seven months, it gets the job done.
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08-23-2010 21:31 by Leeferd
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You post constant status updates about what TV show you're watching and what you're eating for dinner. You're not allowed to whine when people get excited for football once a week.
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09-15-2010 19:51
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A bad Walmart greeting just ruins the whole experience.
wouldn't mind seeing the cast of "Jersey Shore" stuck in a coal mine for a couple of months. No TV cameras allowed.
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10-13-2010 20:44
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I fear the day Facebook decides to inform users of who has viewed their profile...and how many times.
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04-14-2010 16:07
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I accidentally said “LOL” today. I think I deserve to be shot.
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04-16-2010 03:19 by paulb808
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Evidently that good Samaritan bullsh*t doesn't apply when you help an old lady cross the street on the hood of your car.
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04-20-2010 23:46 by Joser
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Girls want a lot of things from one guy. Conversely, guys want one thing from a lot of girls.
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05-04-2010 17:48 by Joser
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I don't care if you don't accept my friend request. Just thought you'd like to see what we say about you on our wall!
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05-06-2010 15:32
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Men... They have 30 year mortgages, 5 year car leases, 2 year cell phone contracts and a lifetime gym membership and then they say they're afraid of commitment!
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05-06-2010 16:11
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if you're going to ride my ass, at least pull my hair.
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05-13-2010 20:19
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Stupid bloody garbage trucks waking me up at noon.
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05-20-2010 16:38 by Joser
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“Women always worry about the things that men forget; men always worry about the things women remember”
- Definition of Keyring---A handy little gadget that allows you to lose all your f**king keys at once.....
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06-08-2010 14:19 by Y.P
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A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" And the father replied, "I don't know, son, I'm still paying for it."
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06-16-2010 22:28 by Danmanz
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You know it's resolution time when someone has to stop to rest on the way up the stairs TO the gym.....
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01-04-2010 13:46 by mike
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- Oh Facebook, you go through more Design Changes than I go through Women.
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02-04-2010 23:39
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Could you put some creativity in your pics. Nobody wants to see you make the same face 8 different ways.
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03-19-2010 15:14 by Danmanz
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Wife says to husband: "u make love like you decorate." Husband: "How, very slow and like a professional?" Wife:" Nope, I always have to finish the job myself."
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12-18-2010 11:59 by Bijoux
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