Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   AT&T is buying T-Mobile for $39 billion. It was a tough call for AT&T, but then again—EVERY call is a tough call for AT&T.

   If a man tells you he deleted those pictures off is phone....he didn"t delete them.

   I went to a disco last night. They played the twist, I did the twist, They played jump, I jumped. They played "come on Eileen"...I got kicked out for that one.

   If I was homeless I would enter various resturants and yell "FOOD FIGHT!"

   Have you ever met a girl who you instantly know you shouldnt be talking too but you still do it anyways. Me either.

   I grew 2 inches today. and yes thats exactly what youre thinking...

   I met a girl today in class, she told me to call her. So I found her on fbook and messaged her instead. Swag.

   We all have a devil and an angel on our shoulders. Only problem is my devil has a gym membership!

   [This status has been removed for violating thought processes]

   When the hell did my delusions of grandeur, turn into delusions of adequacy?!?

   have you ever ate something so good that you do a little happy dance while you eating it?

   There are over 4 million workplace injuries reported every year... play it safe and call in sick tomorrow.

   young at heart..... other parts slightly older.. and broken!

   HAH....the radio just said it's Rosie O'Donnell's 49th birthday..... And here I thought he was more like 60 !.... just sayin'

   How does Robocop have so many rounds of bullets in that little clip??

   After last night, I do believe being pregnant is like your unborn being on Section 8. Where else can they live dirt cheap, eat free food all the while pissing the hell out of the landlord.

   greatest pickup line ever: "Some of my friends were talking about some video game and I don't want to sound like a loser in front of them.. so what's Black Ops?"

   Party like a rockstar is no longer acceptable. You party like Charlie Sheen, or you don't party at all !

   Marriage is like a late night phone call. You get a ring and then you wake up.

   You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windshield, it said parking fine