Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Some people are just meant to be a loan.

   MAY the FOURTH be with you

   went to a carnival trying to win an X-box Kinect and the next thing he knew , he'd lost his entire life savings and all he had to show for it was a giant banana with dreadlocks.

   Lil' Wayne Lost his Mountain Dew endorsement over "creative differences" for his Emmett Till reference in his song called "Karate Chop (remix)" ... Now remember, silence is foolish if we are wise, but wise if we are foolish.

   "Trust Me When I say Anyone can DANCE!!!!!" - Jack Daniels

   A bunch of us are going out for pancakes when Facebook is over, if you want to come along

   I dont know what my future holds, but I know who holds my future....

   Facebook is the "Bermuda Triangle" of the internet.

   Men stand up to get knocked down - woman lie down to get knocked up!

   5 symptoms of laziness –> 1.

   used to arrive fashionably late to parties until he realized it didn't matter because the party only starts when he arrives.

   It's not gay if you forgot your safe word.

   I swear when black girls wear green contacts they look like a walking xbox

   Ahh, Spring. When the days get longer and the dresses get shorter!!

   The way to a man's heart is through his stomach. Unless he's a vegan - then I'm pretty sure you can just get there through his p*ssy.

   if you’ve ever had a crush on me god bless your poor misguided heart.

   Dear Liver, The drinking will continue until your attitude improves.

   I got a little over-aggressive on the trampoline so my 2 year old should be landing in a couple of minutes.

   I said I don't want to talk to you, I didn't say ignore me. - WOMEN

   "May the 4th" be with you!