Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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BREAKING NEWS: North Korea shoots sky...... Misses. 
The GOP is like your wise old Grandad who stands up, voices pearls of wisdom and genius, and then pees his pants.
I really miss my younger days because I was a lot less closer to death.
Fellas, when she babbles on passionately about nothing, pay attention as closely as if she were stark naked, and soon, she just might be.
Women... Most of the time we don't get you anyway, so no need to be all covert with your weird sh*t. Just be weird and sexy.
When I die I'm going to go to heaven and God is going to be like nope, remember what you said on Facebook
Picture someone robbing you. Congratulations you're a racist.
If there's no morning sex, don't wake me up.
In a perfect world, men would get the silent treatment anytime they requested it.
Let's just have sex.. I don't need another friend.
Saturday night is my favorite time of the year.
the only tatoos I would ever consider are quotation marks between my lips
Judging by the music and decorations at Walmart we're only 3 days away from Fox News War on Christmas season.
Since the Jonas brothers break up.. they've come to an agreement to see each other during the holidays. . .
Our #1 problem in this country is that nobody wants to take responsibility for anything ...but please don't quote me!
ladies, I am looking for a squirter. I meant squirt gun, I am looking for a female squirt gun
If Eminem wants to be considered one of the greatest rappers that ever lived, then he has to get shot and killed like Biggie and Pac. Those are the rules.
Attending community college without student aid has made me realize some things. 1. Never rely on the bus as your only form of transport. Buses break down. 2. Mixing Taco Bell sauce with Top Ramen tastes exactly like poverty.
I really like the phrase "inspector gadget level incompetence"
A woman started choking in the line at Starbucks- it was so scary but thankfully someone opened another register. 