Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon The awkward moment when you`re at your friends house and your friend is getting yelled at by the wife so you just stand their and pet the dog.
←Rate | 06-13-2011 15:41 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Being popular on Facebook is like sitting at the cool table in the cafeteria at a mental hospital.
←Rate | 07-11-2011 12:09 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  


   messageicon You better watch out, you better not cry, better not pout, I'm telling you why: you're 11 years old and you have an iPhone, you little sh!t.
←Rate | 12-12-2011 09:54 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why were the first two guys in Superman so excited about seeing a bird or a plane?
←Rate | 01-04-2012 11:01 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I was a kid I slept with a nightlight to keep away monsters who were scared of small, low wattage lightbulbs.
←Rate | 01-27-2012 09:31 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Young enough to know I can, old enough to know I shouldn't, stupid enough to do it anyway.
←Rate | 05-02-2012 21:14 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hitting the treadmill to release stress is not nearly as effective as hitting the people that cause the stress.......
←Rate | 06-11-2012 22:37 by Maureen Comments (0)  


   messageicon The worst part about calling in for a sick day is the pressure of knowing you only have one shot to do the "I'm sick" voice.
←Rate | 02-28-2012 10:12 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  


   messageicon Everything ██is█████ ████ ████fine ███ █ ████ love. ████ █████ the ███ Egypt ███ ████ government ██
←Rate | 02-01-2011 07:41 Comments (0)  


   messageicon well done naagraj, 8 consecutive posts with no likes. Your a legend
←Rate | 06-02-2011 07:59 by nolando Comments (0)  


   messageicon When will women ever learn? Never introduce your man to your hotter friend.
←Rate | 06-04-2011 12:40 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sitting here watching thousands of dollars worth of food be thrown away on Hell's Kitchen while I eat my Ramen.
←Rate | 08-09-2011 14:40 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  


   messageicon If someone held a gun to my head I still don't think it would be as scary as almost tipping backwards off of a chair
←Rate | 08-18-2011 10:01 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hey Motels, you can take the "Color TV" signs down now. We know....
←Rate | 10-01-2011 23:52 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I miss the days when you could simply push somebody in the pool without wondering if their iPhone is in their pocket!
←Rate | 10-06-2011 15:46 by Slasher Comments (0)  


   messageicon I like mario. he's cool. he's all like " hello, I'm maaarrio, I'm a Italian plumber created by japanese people, who speaks English and looks like a Mexican."
←Rate | 10-12-2011 06:46 by g0re Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hate it when I'm telling an awesome story, and realize halfway through that I should not be telling it to the person that I am.
←Rate | 12-15-2010 16:51 Comments (2)  


   messageicon Looking for a New Year's resolution? Why don't we work on that whole "your/you're" thing...
←Rate | 12-31-2010 14:50 Comments (1)  


   messageicon Should we REALLY put labels on paint cans warning people that eating it could kill them? I mean, should we TRY to save anyone who would make a conscious decision to eat paint?
←Rate | 09-03-2010 14:22 Comments (0)  


   messageicon 2 words have opened alot of doors for me....Push and Pull....
←Rate | 09-12-2010 13:06 by greg2missy Comments (0)  




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