Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 464 of 6389
The awkward moment when you`re at your friends house and your friend is getting yelled at by the wife so you just stand their and pet the dog.
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06-13-2011 15:41
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Being popular on Facebook is like sitting at the cool table in the cafeteria at a mental hospital.
You better watch out, you better not cry, better not pout, I'm telling you why: you're 11 years old and you have an iPhone, you little sh!t.
Why were the first two guys in Superman so excited about seeing a bird or a plane?
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01-04-2012 11:01
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When I was a kid I slept with a nightlight to keep away monsters who were scared of small, low wattage lightbulbs.
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01-27-2012 09:31 by flinnie
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Young enough to know I can, old enough to know I shouldn't, stupid enough to do it anyway.
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05-02-2012 21:14 by BEGO
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Hitting the treadmill to release stress is not nearly as effective as hitting the people that cause the stress.......
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06-11-2012 22:37 by Maureen
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The worst part about calling in for a sick day is the pressure of knowing you only have one shot to do the "I'm sick" voice.
Everything ██is█████ ████ ████fine ███ █ ████ love. ████ █████ the ███ Egypt ███ ████ government ██
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02-01-2011 07:41
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well done naagraj, 8 consecutive posts with no likes. Your a legend
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06-02-2011 07:59 by nolando
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When will women ever learn? Never introduce your man to your hotter friend.
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06-04-2011 12:40
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Sitting here watching thousands of dollars worth of food be thrown away on Hell's Kitchen while I eat my Ramen.
If someone held a gun to my head I still don't think it would be as scary as almost tipping backwards off of a chair
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08-18-2011 10:01
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Hey Motels, you can take the "Color TV" signs down now. We know....
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10-01-2011 23:52
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I miss the days when you could simply push somebody in the pool without wondering if their iPhone is in their pocket!
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10-06-2011 15:46 by Slasher
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I like mario. he's cool. he's all like " hello, I'm maaarrio, I'm a Italian plumber created by japanese people, who speaks English and looks like a Mexican."
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10-12-2011 06:46 by g0re
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I hate it when I'm telling an awesome story, and realize halfway through that I should not be telling it to the person that I am.
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12-15-2010 16:51
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Looking for a New Year's resolution? Why don't we work on that whole "your/you're" thing...
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12-31-2010 14:50
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Should we REALLY put labels on paint cans warning people that eating it could kill them? I mean, should we TRY to save anyone who would make a conscious decision to eat paint?
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09-03-2010 14:22
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2 words have opened alot of doors for me....Push and Pull....