Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I bet you'll never see a fight break out in marijuana clubs.........

   Who wants to get deleted.. send me a game request. . .

   Keep calm and massively overuse a slogan

   I can't stand it when people don't know the difference between your and you're. There so stupid.

   n't it ironic the idea that homosexuality is unnatural is shared by believers in resurrection, omnipotence and talking burning shrubbery.

   You could pleasure me just by walking away.

   Madonna and Johnny Depp seem completely unaware they aren't British

   What do you mean there's no attendant in rest area bathrooms? Then who was the guy that held my pen*s while I peed and vigorously shook it?

   If you're a good enough cook, fat people will let you pet them while they're eating.

   Well I don't want to date anyone that's ugly, but I also don't want to date anyone that's stupid. So I'm single.

   Chivalry isn't dead, it now just wants the @nal.

   A woman's cleavage tells you the amount and type of attention she needs.

   Just woke up and can't go back to bed. I turn on the TV looking to maybe find something to watch. My choices are Baggage, 7 days of Sex, Sex Sent Me to the ER, The Real World:Ex-plosion, and Hannah Montana. Wondering if Miley Cyrus is staring in all of th

   You know your old when you come close to shaving your nipple off while trying to shave your legs!

   And its absolutely asinine that asinine isn't spelled assanine.

   If the homosexuals are here to stay maybe they should all move to UGANDA. Problem solved.

   The FDA has approved a new camera that can be swallowed so that doctors can look at the inside of their patients' bodies. So to answer your question: Yes, selfies CAN get worse

   Yesterday in California a couple walking their dog found $10 million worth of rare coins buried in the ground. It's the biggest stash of coins found since Oprah had her couch cushions cleaned.

   There are some women who simply refuse to be women.

   It's either have some chocolate or stab someone. I hope I have change because I have a knife...