Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I am recruiting for valentine's. I want my love to be crazy and beautiful. I want my love to be passionate and heart-wrenching and unpredictable. Boring need not apply.

   I don't know how the Canadian anthem isn't just people apologizing.

   Kanye: Hey baby you wanna role play? Kim: Sure, that sounds super hot! Kanye: Ok, you be Kanye West

   At least people from the Southvdidnt have to name it a 'Superstorm.'

   Atlanta is being held up by Winterstorm De'Andre LaQuocious Roosevelt III.

   Due to the recent out break of Norovirus. Royal Caribbean will be changing ships name to Exploader of the Sea.

   Ok Northerners, stop criticizing how we handle snow & ice. It is very rare down here. You know kinda like winning a BCS National Championship up there

   I bet valet parking would make you rich in Atlanta Ga right now!

   If Hilary gets elected President, she'll be the biggest prez since Taft!!

   My favorite yoga pose is mouthward facing pie.

   I bet a tough part of fielding calls at a poison control center is not finishing most of your sentences with "...you unbelievable moron."

   I stared into the abyss and the abyss was like, "Uh my eyes are up here!"

   Have you ever walked into a room after a gay 0rgy? That's how your breath smells in the morning

   You're not totally useless, you can be used as a bad example for frightening others.

   Love fades with time, shape, weight, looks and bank balance.

   Charlie Sheen and Justin Bieber BFF'S

   We don't want Justin Bieber either...... Canada!

   We'll take Justin Bieber... Roman Catholic Church Priest Diocese.

   my gf broke up with me yesterday, her husband insisted.

   Atlanta gets 2ins of snow and the city is parlized, in Canada we call 2in of snow summer.