Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   To summarize: Blah blah blah, bad Congress, blah blah blah, bad Congress, blah blah blah...

   We can stop Iran from buiding a nuclear bomb by just pointing all our nuclear bombs at them...

   In other news the country is headed for a drastic warm spell tonight because of all the hot air pouring from Obamas mouth.

   I spilled ice out of my cup while I was outside and all of a sudden, my state has shutdown.

   Grim reaper; an executioner; a person who wants your fate, position, grades..

   You know she is not that into you and is also a groupie when she forgets your birthday but remember's to write a birthday message on Justin Bieber's pet Facebook page.

   “The Constitution is not an instrument for the government to restrain the people, it is an instrument for the people to restrain the government - lest it come to dominate our lives and interests.” - Patrick Henry

   The problem with your relationship is, you're in a relationship.

   47% of the country misses Obama's speech due to winter storm. Somehow I don't think he cares.

   To the guy who invented Zero: Thanks for nothing!

   to all of you Virgins, thanks for nothing.

   Truthful Tuesday: Deep down,, I don't believe that paper beats rock.

   You can be gay, you can marry, I don't care about any of that. But just stop it with the "I was born that way" $hit!

   Even as a baby, I was straight. I loved titties then and I love them today.

   Fart when people hug you.....it makes them feel strong.

   They should give Bill Clinton 4 more years .

   Girls be like, "choose me or either lose me"....... Like they the only females out there saying that!

   ATTENTION LADIES: I will now be downgrading expectations from someone I can love to someone I can tolerate. Act now while this amazing deal still lasts!

   Only a few years ago, the average parents had four children. Nowadays, the average child has four parents.

   Every so often you come across a person that supplies you with endless motivation, even if it is just to jump into traffic.