JMc Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon I used to make fun of my dog for barking at dogs on TV until I caught myself in the car pulling over for a siren on the radio.
←Rate | 11-19-2013 18:55 by JMc Comments (0)  

   messageicon My wife and I are pretty upset. It looks like someone broke in and surfed porn on my computer. They didn't touch anything else, so that's good.
←Rate | 11-19-2013 19:02 by JMc Comments (0)  

   messageicon When I'm done using a unisex bathroom I leave the seat halfway up....never know who is coming in after me
←Rate | 09-05-2010 09:59 by JMc Comments (0)  

   messageicon I know the voices aren't real but they have some great ideas.
←Rate | 11-19-2013 18:52 by JMc Comments (0)  

   messageicon People say circumcision doesn’t hurt. I was circumcised when I was born and I couldn’t walk for nearly a year.
←Rate | 11-19-2013 17:11 by JMc Comments (0)  

   messageicon Congrats on your secret admirer! It must be nice having someone who's ashamed to admit they like you!
←Rate | 11-19-2013 17:02 by Jmc Comments (0)  

   messageicon I almost talked my way out of a ticket today by telling a female cop she was very attractive, but things went sour when I said "and that's not just the booze talking either".
←Rate | 11-19-2013 17:11 by JMc Comments (0)  

   messageicon There is no number for what just happened in that bathroom..
←Rate | 11-22-2013 10:24 by JMc Comments (0)  

   messageicon When I die, I'd like someone to keep updating my Facebook for me just to freak people out. Things like, "Hey, who knew they had a Chipotle up here?"
←Rate | 11-19-2013 17:02 by Jmc Comments (0)  

   messageicon I read that India launched a rocket to Mars the other day. That seems like a strange place to put a call center?
←Rate | 11-19-2013 17:06 by JMc Comments (0)  

   messageicon The people who whine about cell phones don't remember how much pointless staring at people there was in the 1990s.
←Rate | 11-19-2013 18:51 by JMc Comments (0)  

   messageicon I am trying to give Kim & Kanye their privacy. I just wish they would accept it.
←Rate | 11-19-2013 17:12 by JMc Comments (0)  

   messageicon Netflix gives you 15 seconds between episodes to decide whether or not you're doing anything with your life today.
←Rate | 11-22-2013 09:31 by JMc Comments (0)  

   messageicon You're not laughing out loud. You know it and I know it
←Rate | 11-19-2013 17:09 by JMc Comments (0)  

   messageicon Sometimes the smartest thing you can do is play dumb.
←Rate | 11-19-2013 17:10 by JMc Comments (0)  

   messageicon If Mary gave birth to Jesus and Jesus is the lamb of God, did Mary have a little lamb?
←Rate | 11-22-2013 10:18 by JMc Comments (0)  

   messageicon A lot of kids were upset when they found out Santa was not real, I was more creeped out the fact my parents made me take a picture sitting on a strangers lap and kept it for years.
←Rate | 11-19-2013 17:04 by Jmc Comments (0)  

   messageicon The world would be a cleaner place if we gave blind people brooms instead of canes...
←Rate | 11-19-2013 17:05 by JMc Comments (0)  

   messageicon What idiot named them jet skis instead of boatercycles?
←Rate | 11-19-2013 17:09 by JMc Comments (0)  

   messageicon anyone going to tell America's funniest videos about YouTube?
←Rate | 11-22-2013 09:30 by JMc Comments (0)  


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