Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Even after watching the interview tonight Charlie Manson was thinking "This boy has lost his mind!"

   Bree Olson and company, dont go thinking you all are something special....Even Hugh Hefner went through " GODDSSES " like toilet paper...im just sayin!!!

   Women have to shave our armpits. Whose idea was that? That's a concave area with a straight razor. The best I can do is a mohawk.

   word of the day: Dictate. You can use it in a sentence like "My girfriend says my dictate good"

   That awkward moment when someone you don't like sends you a friend request, then you decline. Then they send another one.

   I'm like a cold-cut of amazing sandwiched between two pieces of awesome! Charlie Sheen 2011

   So after watching the hilarious interview I feel closer to Charlie Sheen because have a lot in common. Tiger blood and Adonis DNA..

   I'm playing hide and seek with the kids right now and they'll never find me, because they aren't old enough to drive or get into this bar.

   Read somewhere that there are 32 accepted spellings for Ghadafi. May I also suggest "K'Daffy."

   my manly shoulders will be here for you to cry on, as soon as your husband admit's he's gay....

   just booked a flight to the west coast so I can observe the sun setting on Charlie Sheen's ass

   There is no greater revenge then one who dig's their own grave

   Somewhere out there, someone's grandma's recipe for dill bread reads ".. allow dill dough to rise".

   Oatmeal raisin cookies are only eaten when mistaken for chocolate chip.

   I don't know what it is that you're doing to make it appear as if you're really stupid, but whatever it is, it's really working

   Dear Dora, How do you get that t-shirt to fit over your head? Please tell me your secret because I would like to fit into these size 5 jeans. Sincerely, The Average Sized Woman

   I hate Indian givers. No wait, I take that back.

   I was raised by my father----my mother left before I was born.

   there any way we can blame gas prices on Charlie Sheen?

   don't pee on me and tell me it's raining... pee on me and tell me you love me.