Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Q. What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob? A. We better get some support or people will think we're nuts.

   Today was brought to you by redbull. Lots and lot of redbull.

   When my Droid freezes I instinctively pull the battery out blow on it like a Nintendo game.

   Sometimes what is said is not what is meant and what is meant is left unsaid.

   Hey Amish person reading this: Busted!

   Awkward Moment - realizing you've posted an Awkward moment status that you thought was funny, and no one else does.

   Finally got my "My Kid Knocked Up Your Honor Roll Student" bumper sticker in the mail.

   She tried keeping up with the Kardashians, but now it burns when she pees.

   I'm pretty sure that if more states had legalized marijuana, Twinkies would have been saved.

   All I'm saying is black actors never adopt poor white babies. Pretty selfish, blactors.

   Kanye should’ve interrupted Miley’s performance to say that Beyonce’s as$ would look better in those shorts.

   I think instead of "LOL"....Im gonna go with "SALTS" (Smiled a little then stopped). Its more truthful

   If you ever get angry at one of my posts, the last thing you should do is tell me about it. That just makes it even funnier for me

   Once again Miley Cyrus tries to hijack another awards show by throwing her inexplicably huge pu$$y out there for all the world to see.

   Not to brag, but I still owe Blockbuster $2.00 for not rewinding Weekend at Bernies.

   People need to stop putting flyers on my car. I don't want to see a band called "Parking Violation" at the "Courthouse"

   At the end of each day, life should ask us, 'Do you want to save the changes?'

   I have a bumper sticker that says "Honk if you think I'm sexy" I then wait at green lights 'til I feel better about myself.

   The worst thing about spanking a kid in Wal-Mart is that I have no idea who's kid this is.

   You call it it multiple personalities, I call it social networking in my head.