Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 399 of 6385
1. Denial 2. Anger 3. Bargaining 4. Depression 5. Acceptance - My stages of getting ready for work
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07-04-2013 13:33
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i hate when people steal my ideas and post them before I think of them
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07-11-2013 02:33 by orani
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oh, your talking to me again? You must have just broken up with your boyfriend.
My doctor told me to start watching what I eat. What channel is the Pizza Network on?
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08-01-2013 09:38
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I hate when I order a pizza online & it asks "Do you accept the terms and conditions?" I'm ordering a pizza, not launching a nuclear weapon.
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08-16-2013 13:50 by Baddie
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Dear retail stores. August 21st is too damn early for Christmas decorations. Take them down. Now.
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08-21-2013 09:22
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There are no bad pictures; that's just how your face looks sometimes.
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09-08-2013 18:37
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Game: "Would you like to try the tutorial first?" Me: "No." *minutes later* "How the hell do you play this?"
We're all sex addicts. Some of us just have better dealers.
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09-08-2012 14:41 by Czovczov
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When a woman tells me her lawn needs mowing, I get an entirely different picture in my head.
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09-17-2012 08:03
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I miss being able to slam my phone shut when I hang up on somebody. Violently pressing "end call" just doesn't do it for me.
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09-20-2012 21:45 by BEGO
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Hey guys, just to let you all know I'll be closing my facebook account in three days... But in four days I'll be explaining why I didn't leave
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10-21-2012 09:00 by snotty
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went to the bookshop today to get a book about conspiracies. Guess what, there were none there. Coincidence?
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12-15-2009 12:54 by deithy
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will be forever indebted to the person who creates a vaccine for stupidity.
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03-03-2010 07:59 by GirlX
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My motto is "Never say never." Which makes it difficult to tell people my motto...
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03-09-2010 18:34 by Y.P
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Pessimist sees darkness, optimist sees light, realist sees light & the coming train! Train driver sees 3 idiots sitting on the rails. :-)
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06-25-2010 18:51
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Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
cellphones always killin the mood. chick texted "your ducking sexy".. sigh. so I responded "your spelling makes me think your on quack"
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07-11-2010 21:20 by john
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thinks instead of asking why your dog eats out of your cat's litter box, maybe you should be asking why your cat is pooping delicious treats!
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07-13-2010 04:07 by DAYAM
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The scariest part of the show “I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant” is that there are enough of these women to sustain an entire series.
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08-21-2010 11:28
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