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Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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Page: 391 of 6385
Why are all the women in my office walking funny today?
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02-15-2013 07:45 by
Michael
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Let's have a round of applause for the heroes that they think they can save all the cancer-ridden children by liking and sharing those Facebook statuses.
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02-23-2013 10:59 by
BEGO
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I wish my nipples were half as sensitive as my FB friends.
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02-27-2013 22:50
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Seems like I can't go anywhere in my house without somebody recognizing me.
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03-19-2013 15:05 by
Aaron
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I got a message from facebook today.. saying my block list has exceeded my friends list. Congratulations this is a first. . .
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03-29-2013 06:07
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Job applications are stupid. "Why do you want to work for us?" Oh, I've always had a passion for frozen yogurt.....b*tch I'm broke!!
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07-01-2013 10:58 by
StonerDudee
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Why do people in movies keep all their lights off when they hear a noise? I’d be lighting that place up like friggin’ Times Square.
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08-30-2013 23:07 by
BEGO
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When someone calls shotgun I yell Rosa Parks and sit in the seat and refuse to move.
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09-04-2012 12:49 by
Marshall the Great
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It is unfair that girls mature faster than boys. Girls get their boobs at 13,, and men get their boobs when they're in their 40's
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09-05-2012 08:26 by
snotty
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Finally finished reading the iTunes license agreement. There's a killer recipe for duck a l'orange on page 6,374.
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09-19-2012 09:38
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You know you are on a hamster wheel when you go to work to make enough money to pay for your car so you can get to work.
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10-01-2012 10:19 by
Czovczov
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You know you're lazy when you get excited about cancelled plans
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10-01-2012 22:36 by
BEGO
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I wish I was in a gang so I knew what do to with my hands in pictures.
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10-17-2012 14:20 by
SEAN
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It's sad to think that the world we live in will never be a peaceful place
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04-15-2013 16:57
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I just can't stop thinking of all the people who signed my yearbooks that I have let down by failing to "stay cool"
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04-16-2013 06:22 by
flinnie
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How the hell do hundreds of male Smurfs live with only ONE female smurf? It's no wonder they're BLUE!
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05-06-2013 10:41 by
Tommy Chevelle
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If anyone ever texts me "who is this" I always respond "Jake from state farm"
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05-22-2013 06:34 by
flinnie
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The clerk at the gas station doesn't ever speak a word to me. He's currently my favorite person.
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06-05-2013 19:04
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I dont know whats more annoying, hot chicks who won't shut up about how ugly they are or ugly girls who won't shut up about how hot they are.
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06-09-2013 11:44
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You know ladies, if you don't snap me up soon, someone else will and then you'll have to wait 3 whole weeks till I'm single again.
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06-14-2013 13:17
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