Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 371 of 6385
If my boss saw how many cool things I post on Facebook in a day, he'd stop saying I'm unproductive.
.My super power is to slap people upside the head when they need it most. No need to thank me. Just doing my job.
←Rate |
02-27-2011 21:35
Comments (0)
i thought the trick to makeup was to make it look like yout not wearing any and not to look like you shoved your face in a bowl of nacho cheese sauce
←Rate |
02-28-2011 22:02
Comments (0)
: the only A+ I've gotten in life is my blood type
←Rate |
03-08-2011 22:59 by Elbow
Comments (0)
The definition of irony: Not knowing the difference between a definition and an example.
←Rate |
03-21-2011 11:20 by punkie
Comments (0)
you know your getting old when you get out of bed and your body pops more then bubble wrap
←Rate |
03-26-2011 09:49
Comments (0)
Why in a country of free speech, are there phone bills?
←Rate |
04-03-2011 12:55
Comments (0)
Get robbed on the street by a stranger, it's called a mugging, get robbed by your government, and it's called "taxes" ;)
←Rate |
04-04-2011 15:41
Comments (0)
I think I missed the driver ed class on how inching forward every 5 seconds at a red light makes it turn green faster.
←Rate |
04-08-2011 09:39 by seddy90
Comments (0)
I think when a restaurant has "lobster celebration" it is very misleading to the lobster.
←Rate |
04-20-2011 21:09
Comments (0)
How Many Roads Must A Man Walk Down Before He Admits Hes lost?
People who have high and unnecessary attitudes deserve the standing ovation of my tallest finger !!!!!!!
←Rate |
04-28-2011 07:36
Comments (0)
I have to exercise in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing.
←Rate |
04-30-2011 09:46
Comments (0)
Aw Jeez, I just realized Osama could feasibly end up in a can of tuna fish.
←Rate |
05-02-2011 10:27
Comments (0)
At least he saw the royal wedding...
←Rate |
05-02-2011 10:47
Comments (1)
Osama was found hiding in mansion in Abbottabad. Talk abbot-a-bad place to try and hide…
←Rate |
05-03-2011 01:44 by zubi
Comments (0)
Wife is out of town until tomorrow night. Anyone wanna come sit on the other end of the sofa and ignore me?
We use 300muscles to keep our balance when we stand, The length of a penis is 3 times the length of the thumb the femur is as hard as concrete. A woman's heart beats faster then a man's.A woman has read this entire post..a man is stil lookin at his thumb
←Rate |
01-11-2011 10:40
Comments (0)
An Officer came to me and asked "Where were you between 4 and 6?" I responded "Kindergarten."
enjoying a nice bottle of vintage DayQuil '09. The texture is like honey, taste like crap with touch of lemon