Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   True Story: People will believe you when start a story saying "True story"

   Omg there is high definition paint? People will believe anything. Well I just invented hd crayons, for the low price of 59.99 a box you can watch you drawings pop off the paper.. Idiots

   Wealthy people miss one of life's greatest thrills…making the last car payment.

   The Ipad: Because not enough people noticed you with the Iphone.

   I find it funny how people throw around inspirational stuff like ‘live your life to the fullest’ after they've spent the entire day on Facebook.

   It's amazing how many people are allergic to gluten, peanuts, and facts.

   People who have permission to call me honey, sugar or sweetie: 1. Truck stop waitresses 2. That’s it

   Why are clothes so expensive? I shouldn't have to pay so much to not be naked. Other people should pay me not to be naked.

   I hate it when I invite people and they actually show up.

   There are the same number of people on Facebook today as there were people in the whole world in 1804

   I wish people who say "what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas" would stay in Vegas.

   I do this thing where I suddenly become visible to people only when they need me.

   R.I.P. Rodney King...I'm not quite sure, but getting drunk and smoking "hippy lettuce" in the pool seems to be about as good of an idea as hiring Robert Wagner to be your swim coach...just sayin!

   I saw some chick get her nipple pierced last night..... Man, I am so bad at darts when I'm drunk.

   I think people get married just to get 'Likes' on Facebook.

   I like to do nothing for people. Then when they say " Thanks for nothing", I say It was the least I could do.

   Good things come to those who wait. Well.. except for the people on death row.

   Don't you just want to write on some people's Facebook wall "you peaked in High School".?

   Don't you love when people tell you 'don't tell anyone' the next day, after you told people.

   These dating sites keep setting me up with weirdos, then I realized that they match you with people with similar interests.