Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   I like to walk around the fair with a giant stuffed animal I brought from home, ‘cause I need people to think I'm a winner.

   Nothing brings 2 people together faster than the hatred of a 3rd person

   If you put root beer in a square cup, do you get beer?......................... (you smart people grinned didn't you.)

   I hate it when people repost statuses. By the way, I'm gathering rocks to throw at you.

   The biggest mistake I have made in my life is letting people stay in my life far longer than they deserve..

   The government did not write the constitution to give rights to the people. The people wrote the constitution to limit the government's power.

   Why do people with bad breath always have to tell me secrets???

   Time to photoshop my life Touch up the edges, adjust the tones,blur out the background, focus on me, and crop people out...

   1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. There are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mom or my dad Maybe my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu. But I think it's Colin.

   I just can't stop thinking of all the people who signed my yearbooks that I have let down by failing to "stay cool"

   Why do people in movies keep all their lights off when they hear a noise? I’d be lighting that place up like friggin’ Times Square.

   Astronauts are the only people who followed through on what they wanted to be when they grew up.

   Some people get so upset when you delete them from your fb friends list. What is the big deal it's not like we're real friends and hang out everyday.

   I hate it when people are holding a device capable of using google and they ask me stupid questions.

   Some people just need a hug... around their neck... with a rope.

   I am not grumpy. I'm just not a fan of other people today.

   Would like to give a big shout out to the people that are hard of hearing

   You know what my problem is? People telling me what my problem is.

   Childhood is like being drunk. Everyone remembers what you did, except you

   There are some people on facebook who don't understand the difference between 'Whats on your mind?' And I should probably see a therapist about this'