Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 327 of 6385
Saw a monarch butterfly today, what made it special is that it was the first time it wasn't stamped on top of a strippers arse.
←Rate |
07-20-2020 10:33
Comments (0)
A teacher grabbed my arm in the 3rd grade and pulled me to the back of the line. When I asked what I did, she said you know what you did. I’m 60 and I still don’t know.
←Rate |
07-27-2020 12:06
Comments (0)
On the bright side, when wearing a face mask, I pick my nose in public much less often.
←Rate |
08-24-2020 14:38
Comments (0)
Making homemade peanut butter isn’t as hard as people make it out to be if you just pre-chew the peanuts first. For more helpful cooking tips follow my blog “Tell Me She didn’t Really Just Do That”.
←Rate |
09-28-2020 09:43
Comments (0)
I have 39 calories left for the day. I think I might just open the ice cream and smell it.
←Rate |
10-07-2020 13:14
Comments (0)
How can you tell if someone plays the bagpipes well?
←Rate |
10-19-2020 15:07
Comments (0)
I think the wife has started to show signs of Alzheimers. She said she can't remember what she ever saw in me !
←Rate |
11-11-2020 08:22
Comments (0)
2019: Stay away from negative people. 2020: Stay away from positive people.
←Rate |
12-28-2020 10:15
Comments (0)
It takes a lot of courage for a man to admit his wife is wrong.
←Rate |
02-19-2021 08:47
Comments (0)
Instead of phasing out fossil fuels, let's phase out the fossils in Congress.
←Rate |
03-14-2021 10:18
Comments (0)
Bigfoot keeps his legs in shape by doing sasquats
←Rate |
03-15-2021 11:49
Comments (0)
Can you put tequila in a humidifier? Just asking for a friend.
←Rate |
12-06-2019 13:14 by RichMcC
Comments (0)
I'm having a terrible day. There's a suppository behind my ear and I can't find my pencil.
←Rate |
11-13-2019 19:02 by BobBogin
Comments (0)
So how does this work? Do we send our dollar bills to the NFL or do we pay JLo directly?
←Rate |
02-03-2020 17:20 by cpaman
Comments (0)
Whoever this guy with TDS is, it's hysterical that he's perpetually beside himself with no one ever agreeing with him. I guess mommy and daddy let him have his way and he just can't deal with the rejection.
←Rate |
02-22-2020 09:32
Comments (0)
The Coronavirus is like pasta. The Chinese invented it, but the Italians are spreading it all over the world.
←Rate |
03-03-2020 06:10
Comments (0)
My husband said the doctor told him I can suck out his kidney stone. After 3 days of trying, I think he lied to me.
←Rate |
03-05-2020 11:01
Comments (0)
tested positive for missing my homies
←Rate |
03-22-2020 08:05
Comments (0)
How long are we supposed to do this social distancing thing? My wife keeps trying to get back into the house.
For the first time since 1945, the Scripps National Spelling Bee has been cancul... cancill... cansi... called off.
←Rate |
05-29-2020 08:57 by Gabe
Comments (0)