Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 318 of 6385
The election has been over nearly 2 weeks and this krap is still going on. Get back to the funny!
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11-21-2016 07:00
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Keep your marriage fresh by writing each other love notes like "I considered smothering you with a pillow last night but didn't."
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12-14-2016 05:53
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The label says "Alcohol may intensify the effects of this medication." My question is, is this a warning or a suggestion?
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12-27-2016 09:54
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Just because I disagree with you does not mean I hate you. We need to relearn that in our society.
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08-29-2020 16:32
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You millennials and your obsession with public healthcare. Back in my day we just died
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05-06-2017 13:12
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"Don't be shy, send that 12th unanswered text." --Tequila
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02-07-2016 03:46
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Calm down mechanic guy. Just here for an oil change. If I wanted to know about all the other stuff wrong with my car I'd turn the radio down.
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02-19-2016 18:40
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Sometimes getting unfriended on Facebook is magical....really....it's like the trash took itself out.
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02-23-2016 01:12
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I want to lose weight, but I don't want to get caught up in one of those "Eat right and exercise" scams.
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03-06-2016 14:29
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They should really considered remaking "Back To The Future 2" where there aren't any flying cars. And people just stare at their phones all day getting easily offended to everything they read....
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04-02-2016 15:21
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If a girl tells you she has a nipple ring, the only correct response is "I don't believe you."
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05-01-2016 15:30
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North Korea's Internet is down. In even more shocking news, North Korea apparently has Internet.
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12-22-2014 16:21 by Daheavy1
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Dear New Year New Me People; You don't have to wait for the New Year to get your sh*t together and become a better person.
As it turns out, "harder" is a terrible safe word.
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01-16-2015 07:58
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Sorry I hung up on you, I didn't mean to answer the call.
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02-22-2015 15:02 by Aaron
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The best thing about my phone screen shattering is that it now matches my dreams and aspirations.
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03-03-2015 11:03
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My relationship with scotch has been on the rocks lately.
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04-09-2015 16:02
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Where are the realistic Mother's Day cards that say, "Well you did the best you could with what you had and I still love you anyways."
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05-10-2015 08:50
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In the wild of Alaska, large packs of Discovery Channel cameramen can be spotted drinking from the lakes that thaw out in the summer months.
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06-18-2015 10:53
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You're not truly a Canadian until you've used maple syrup as lube.
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06-26-2015 11:35
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