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I'll act my age when I'm 69.
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05-07-2012 20:52
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If you ask me, NASCAR would be much more entertaining if the drivers had had as much to drink as the fans.
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06-14-2012 18:35 by
Marshall the Great
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I'm coming out of the closet. Not that! I mean her husband finally left for work.
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06-17-2012 22:11 by
MTQ
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RIP to my hair dryer. It was the only thing to blow me for the last 10 years and never complain.
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07-07-2012 10:17
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The best part about living by myself is not having to explain a lot of things......a LOT of things.
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01-21-2012 09:47 by
K-Mac
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My girlfriend said she wanted me to be more like her Ex. So I dumped her.
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02-10-2012 07:03 by
XX-FOXY
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if 10% is good enough for God is should definitely be good enough for the IRS!
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02-20-2012 15:20
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If girlfriend has no texts in their phone history, you are totally being cheated on.
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02-21-2012 22:05 by
BEGO
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My level of maturity changes depending on who I'm hanging out with.
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11-08-2011 01:08
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if a guys internet history is cleared, please dont shake his hands...
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11-03-2011 13:02
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I miss being able to use the excuse "I wasn't home when you called."
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11-04-2011 08:50 by
SuthernFukr
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A clever person solves a problem. A wise person avoids it. A stupid person makes it.
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07-02-2012 07:38
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My uncle came out of the closet yesterday. He's not gay. He has Alzheimer's and thought it was the car.
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07-11-2012 12:15
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People who say "No, and here's why..." need to realize that we stopped listening after the "no" part.
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03-22-2012 11:11 by
flinnie
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A successful relationship is one in which one person shuts up when the other is right.
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04-12-2012 13:29 by
petty 86
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Just got "The Look" from my dog. You know, the "What the hell you doing??? I drink out of there" look...
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05-23-2012 21:07 by
Steve OH
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Every time I use a public bathroom, one thought occurs..."Seriously? This many people have Sharpies on them at all times?"
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02-08-2012 15:26 by
SEAN
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Okay future girlfriend, you can stop playing hide and seek now.
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12-19-2011 09:47
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I wish this conversation had GPS because you lost me about 20 words ago.
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01-14-2012 10:31 by
SuthernFukr
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Gonna hit the showers. You can do whatever you want with that information.
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01-19-2012 10:39 by
SuthernFukr
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